How An Anxious Guy Can Become Naturally Confident Around Women

How to Get Over Your Fear of Women and Dating

by Matt

I've been reading the tips on this site for quite some time now. Something I have noticed about most of the articles is that their advice tends to talk about adding something to your personality or your technique.

Become a more humorous person. Make more eye contact. Be more aggressive and confident.

Essentially they talk about adding traits to your personality that more closely resemble the traits of an Alpha Male.

What most people don't realize is that being an alpha male, being funny, happy and confident is a man's natural state.

Your Natural State

We are born with the ability to attract women; born with the ability to approach them and catch their attention and interest.

You wouldn't be here if your male ancestors didn't possess the ability to attract women, and those abilities have been handed down to you in your most basic building blocks.

The reason that the average frustrated chump doesn't attract women is not there is something missing; it's that there is something covering up what's there.

How Fear Destroys You

The reason you don't come across as funny as you'd like to is because when something funny pops into your head, it's immediately squashed by some fear, fear that it will be taken the wrong way or that you'll look or sound stupid.

Or you're tense and not paying attention to the moment, completely missing the fact that an opportunity to be funny has presented itself.

Or you're so focused on making sure that you're doing everything right or so lost in the woman's presence that you miss the moment.

The reason that you don't naturally look people in the eye is because you're afraid of exposing them to the windows into your soul. Or you feel inadequate or less than them in some way. Or there is some deep rooted fear about yourself that you may not even be aware of.

The reason you can't just walk up to an unknown woman and strike up a conversation is because you're afraid of something; afraid she will react negatively, or how others will view you if she shoots you down. You're nervous and tense and deep down you know that when you're feeling this way, your probability of success is practically non-existent.

Notice a pattern here?

There is a fear of what others may think of you, a fear of failing to do the right thing or of doing the wrong thing. Fear and nervousness cover up who you really are.

Natural Confidence

Confidence is not something that can be attained through gaining things.

Confidence is the absence of fear, the absence of worry. You need to drop these things and your natural confidence and personality will shine through.

The great news is that this is very easy.

You don't have to conquer your fears. You don't even have to know where these fears come from or what is causing them.

All you have to do is observe your fears, without judgment.

And the without judgment part is key here. Don't think about how the fear started; don't think about how stupid and irrational your fears are. Just observe them and yourself and how you are affected.

Try This

For the next several dozen times you see a woman you find attractive, whether you approach her or not; pay attention to yourself, the way you feel and the thoughts that are running through your head throughout the entire experience.

Step back from yourself and watch yourself as if you are watching another person.

Don't think about what you "should" be thinking and feeling. Observe what is, and stay in the moment.

I promise that after many times of doing this a sense that your fear is a fabrication of your mind will start to take over.

Your fears will begin to have less of a hold on you; and they will begin to affect you and your actions less and less over time.

Eventually your fears will completely disappear, all without any active effort to get rid of them.

The Absurdity

Fear is a natural emotion and there is nothing wrong with it. The problem comes when you lend credence to your fears through thought and action.

By not noticing your fears when they are happening, or by trying to suppress those fears through rationale or force, you are actually feeding them.

You cannot drop a fear if you don't know it's there and you can't drop a fear by force.

You have to "see" the absurdity of them and they will go away by themselves.