How to Overcome Fear & Insecurity to Meet Women
You know, I've heard this phrase from men time and time again...
"Meeting women is scary!"
Can you believe there are guys out there who would rather sign up to be shipped off to fight the war in Iraq rather than try to meet a girl they're attracted to?
Seriously, I'm not joking!
A friend of mine, depressed about the fact that he was lonely and too afraid to meet any women, recently joined up for the army and is getting ready for his first tour in the Middle East -- all because he feels he can handle the fear of death better than the fear of rejection!
Now THAT'S scary!
Personally, if you asked me if I'd rather face a beautiful blond goddess with Double-D breasts, long legs, and deep blue eyes... or a dirty, smelly terrorist with a bomb strapped to him, I'd choose the blond goddess any day of the week!
After all, I'm a lover, not a fighter. =)
But when I started to think about why my friend would do such a thing, I asked myself:
"Why would anyone be more afraid of women than they would be of death?"
So after some thought, I finally came up with the answer:
To Some Of Us, Good Feelings Are Scarier Than Bad Feelings!
Let me explain...
As we grow up, we all train ourselves to respond to our environment a certain way. We learn to respond a certain way to certain stimuli. The more we respond to that stimuli, the more comfortable we become with that response.
Human beings tend to move to what is familiar to us, even if what's familiar is NEGATIVE.
If we train ourselves to respond negatively and feel negative emotions, when we feel good emotions, we become scared and find a way to retreat back to the bad emotions because they feel more familiar!
For instance, let's say you don't think you're a very attractive man, and you've come to believe that women won't like you because you're too bald, or short, or fat, or skinny, or whatever.
So you spend day after day, hour after hour, obsessing about what you think makes you ugly. Thoughts run through your head like:
- My ears are too big. I look like Dumbo! No one could find that attractive.
- I'm too small! Women only like big guys! I'm screwed.
- I don't have enough hair. Only the guys with hair get girls. I'd never be able to attract anyone.
- I'm too fat! Women only like guys with big muscles! I might as well not even try.
Sound familiar?
When we think thoughts like these, we are creating feelings of shame and self-pity. We make ourselves out to be victims, as if we have no control over our lives.
But most of all: WE GET USED TO FEELING THAT WAY!
So when women express interest in us, we miss their signals because we don't believe they could find us attractive.
When we get compliments, we feel the person complimenting us is lying or being insincere.
When we have an opportunity to have a great experience with a woman, we let it pass by because we believe it will end badly.
What it comes down to is: We become so comfortable with our bad feelings, when we have the opportunity to experience GOOD feelings, we get scared and make ourselves feel bad again!
It's a vicious cycle.
So any possibility to have a good experience or good feelings creates a lot of fear in us.
That's why so many guys are so afraid to approach women!
They've done such a good job at training themselves to be losers, that they become too afraid of success.
But here's one little trick I've picked up that can help you to retrain yourself to be a winner. It's something simple and easy to do, but most importantly -- it works!
Ready for it?
Here it comes...
Learn to Rewrite Your Thoughts by Replacing "Can't" with "Won't"!
Seriously, this is a BIG weapon in fighting fear.
The next time you see a beautiful woman and you think:
- I can't get her. She's out of my league.
- I can't attract her, I'm too ugly.
- I can't talk to her, she'll reject me.
Rewrite your thoughts to say what you REALLY mean:
- I won't get her. I don't believe in myself.
- I won't attract her, I'm too insecure.
- I won't talk to her, I'd rather take myself out of the game than take a chance.
When you replace the word "Can't" with "Won't," what you're really doing is realizing that you aren't helpless, that you're making a conscious decision to think and feel negatively.
And when you have a choice, which would you rather choose: Feeling bad, or feeling good?
If you choose to feel bad, know that it's not really "fear of rejection" or how you feel you look that's out of your control that's holding you back. You're making the decision to feel that way.
Making the decision to feel good can be hard, especially if we're uncomfortable doing so. But it can be done.
Wishing you success,
Joseph Matthews
