Listening with the Third Ear
Ok, so you've started mumbling a quick "hello" to the girl of your dreams, and you are tired of making small talk about the weather, the news, etc. Or maybe you've started dating her, and you feel like you need to learn more about her without sounding like a census taker. What the heck do you do? Luckily, I have been able to apply one of my job skills in this matter, and I would like to share this little "professional secret" with you.
As a counselor, I was trained to "listen with a third ear" - basically, when I'm working with someone, I listen attentively not only for what they're saying, but also the *subtext* of their conversation. I'm also observing their overall body language, posture, demeanor, etc., and am making mental notes about what they might be going through. Although professional, I'm using this to diagnose a problem, with women, I'm doing it to learn more about them, and "storing" it in my memory so that, when I need to, I can use it in relating to them.
Here's a great example - in my building, I recently came across a *very* attractive redhead with a German Shepherd. Initially, I began with the usual hellos and the "how are you doing?" - you know, clich� small talk. However, I began noticing that she seemed to perk up whenever I said hello, petted her dog, and just addressed her in the elevator. Obviously, she liked the fact that somebody paid attention to her. I also noticed some of the clothes she wore when she wasn't walking her dog - t-shirts that advertised marathons, surgical scrubs (at another time, obviously) with an ID that indicated she was in medical school... yes, you're probably thinking, "Well, *duh*, how can I use *that* to my advantage?"
Simple - I know that she's obviously pleasant, likes dogs, is in medical school (probably an internship), and runs a lot. Every so often, I can create good small talk topics like:
"How'd your run go?"
"Keeping busy in med school?"
"When did you move here?"
OK, so it's not exactly brain surgery, but it beats most of the usual bad intro lines we're used to. She and I are starting to actually have more-than-one-minute talks. (I'm not saying this is an instant fix for getting the woman of your dreams - in fact, I've been practicing these skills on *several* women I'm interested in). However, it is good to begin *really* listening to someone - everything a woman tells you is not only good fodder for conversation, but can also clue you in on how receptive she will be to you.
Here's an excellent example of really *listening* - recently, I moved offices, and ended up next to a really attractive young lady. We had some casual talks in the past, so when we had some time, we talked about a variety of things. Luckily, I was able to insert several things she had told me, saying things like, "I remember when you said..." and "I think you mentioned that..." Now, she began smiling at me, lighting up, and opening up more. Think about it - which of us *wouldn't* wish that to happen? And all because I had actually *gasp* listened to what she had said. (Guys, remember one thing - when I say "listen", I mean LISTEN. Don't nod your head and say uh-huh, because when you try this and think you're going to get somewhere... you're gonna fumble. Trust me on this.)
The great thing about this is that you can literally "practice" on any woman you come in contact with. Many a Don Juaner has suggested practicing conversing with a variety of people; all you'd be doing is *really* intensifying your ability to listen and attend to someone else. But, combine this with an overall strategy of self-improvement, and you will find that women actually *will* respond positively to you.
Hey, I used to think of myself as a big, chunky guy who got the short end because I was "nice" and not one of those "jerks" who manipulated women. After losing some weight, getting more regular exercise, eating right, dressing more nicely, and just having a positive attitude, I'm finding that I actually *do* have what it takes to be a Don Juan.
Remember - listen *very* carefully to her, and note anything of interest. Observe her demeanor around you. Soon, you'll be thinking that God has given *you* the magic formula to attract women... and all it takes is a little effort.
Hourman1
hourman1@juno.com
