What I've Learned About The Cold Approach
When you start out at this site, you read about all kinds of techniques and attitudes and you get excited. You start to walk around with a feeling of empowerment. You know a secret, you know how to get women.
But cold approaches are still scary.
When everyone starts, cold approaches are nerve racking -- you sweat, tremble, stumble over your words. How are you supposed to get a girl acting like this?
Keep reading and find out...
First of all, you need to accept the fact that you're not gonna be great at this when you start out. You will screw up.
But the payoff is sweet. Trust me, the embarrassments and screwups from your past will be something you look back on with great pride and they make great stories. You will be able to look back and laugh at yourself, and hopefully you are able to laugh at yourself now.
Let's talk about the attitude you should have. Bottom line, your attitude should be that of indifference. That's as far as I can go and be universally correct. I'm pretty laid back, I joke around and have fun with it. But no matter what style you have, or what your relationship goals are with the girl, indifference is key.
Here's a big one: When I started out, I didn't want the girl to know I was picking up on her when I started talking to her. I think I had mislead myself into thinking that if I let her know I was trying to pick her up, I would show too much interest and loose the edge. Or I would somehow offend her by trying to pick her up.
This attitude is a bigger problem than the nervousness, and was probably the biggest thing holding me back. Girls like to get hit on. Whether they diss you or not, they go home happy because they feel appreciated and sexy.
So when you talk to girls, don't try to hide the fact that you are attracted to them. They know what's going on, women are not stupid. Show them enough respect to be honest. Besides, who are you to hide your motive. You're a man, men like women. You like her, so don't be ashamed to show it.
The 3-second rule: I never used it when I started out. I wanted to get better at this cold approach thing and I knew I had to get out and practice to do it. So there was no need to for me to trick myself into moving in.
Ask yourself why you want to talk to her. When you find your answer (be it practice, to dance, to talk, to get a number, whatever it is) there should be nothing to stop you from moving in. And remind yourself this is gonna be fun.
This procedure takes place in your mind much faster than 3 seconds. After you have been doing this for a while you won't think -- if you see a girl you wanna talk to, you will just instinctively go talk to her.
How do I open and what do I talk about once I do open her?
As far as opening her goes, I usually just go with "how ya doin?", "hey", or "hi". But if I'm in a good mood, I'll use "Heeeeeey" jokingly. Have fun with it.
As far what to talk about, that's a tough one. I wouldn't know what to tell you, because I don't really remember what I talk about. That's a good thing.
You don't wanna walk in with a plan of what to say. Just let the conversation flow naturally. This was tough for me, but after screwing up enough all of a sudden I found I could have a convo with anyone for however long I wanted. Key point though: I didn't learn how to hold a convo from reading an article. I learned how by having conversations.
A few tips: while you are talking to her, ask her about herself, ask her if she's into what your ideal women is into. Allow her to show you who she is. The attitude you should have should be "Am I interested in her?"
Ok, here's something that will really let the girl know that you are interested in her: Eye Contact. This is even more important than kino (touching).
This is where you will be able to let her know that you are interested. You could be talking about anything -- and eye contact sets the mood. When you start talking to her generally you want to have an "I'm interested, I'm listening" look in your eyes, this will build comfort and rapport.
Later on in the convo once you've built some trust and rapport, and you have allowed her to prove she's worth your time, start to look at her with "you know what I wanna do" eyes. You aren't trying to hide your interest remember. You are confident in your sexuality, and you go after what you want.
Kino for those that don't know is a fancy way to say touching someone. Kino was awkward for me at first, but I kept at it and it has become natural. I'm not gonna try and teach you kino through an article, it can't be done. The only way to learn is to do it until it's natural. One tip I can give though is not to pay attention to what your hands are doing, just let them do their thing.
Okay, so you've approached her, you're talking to her, good eye contact, kino, she seems interesting. How do you close?
Depends on your goal and situation. If you wanna get her number, then get it. It doesn't matter how you ask at this point. By now she wants to give it to you, so you don't have to demand it. But don't be shy about asking for it either. If you can handle intense eye contact I'm pretty sure you're not gonna have trouble getting a number.
Well there you have it. After reading all that I hope you're more educated on cold approaches. But I guarantee your not gonna get good at them by reading this or any other article. But armed with this info and driven by your goal of getting better at approaching, you are well on you way.
Now get out there and have some fun with it.
