The Mechanics of Kino
Human beings require touch and physical affection to bolster praise and self-affirmation.
Children need this in great amounts when in their infancy and I'd argue into their teenage years as well. Babies need contact with their mothers and all OB/GYN natal caregivers are instructed to pick up and cuddle newborns since this human contact is essential in triggering hormonal and immunal bio-chemical changes that benefit the survival of the organism.
All mammals to some degree employ this physical connection to one another and so do we. A pat on the back, a hug from a parent, an embrace between lovers, or even sick or elderly people petting a dog or cat -- goes a long way for stimulating not only the sympathetic nerve and immune systems, but also the psycho-biological feelings of well-being that come from the endorphins that accompany the stimulus.
That's the nuts and bolts of Kino. Your touch is a stimulus, but it's how that stimulus is interpreted that makes or breaks how it's employed.
CASUAL KINO is something we all do to a greater or lesser degree unconsciously.
The act of petting a dog is Casual Kino. Once your subconscious (and sometimes conscious) has determined whether an animal is friendly, the natural unconscious impulse is to pet it. Why do we do this instead of just going on about our business?
The latent reason is because we want to gain its favor (some would say to 'tame' it), but we also experience physical pleasure from that simple act of stroking a cat, petting a dog, etc.
This same Casual Kino holds true for people as well. This type of Kino isn't meant as intimate contact so much as subtle reassurance of acceptability by that person.
There are also cultural and conditional rules that make Kino more or less acceptable. Dutch men and women for instance greet women with three kisses on alternating cheeks and in other cultures certain acceptability of subtle gestures of Kino are expected. Unfortunately modern westernized American culture is probably the most uptight in this regard.
Also, while contact between unrelated males is usually limited to a handshake or a pat on the back, the older an individual is the more acceptable it becomes to be more affectionate with them -- as if there is an unconscious understanding in humans that the older an individual is the more affection that person needs to stimulate these health benefiting responses.
I'm sure you've encountered the 'touchy-feely' kind of people? Try to remember what it was about them that made them remarkable. Did they make you more comfortable or less comfortable in their presence?
In some instances I'm sure you could call Kino 'groping', but this is when the line between subtle Kino and intimate Kino has been crossed. Likewise the touchy-feely person betrays a neediness for this contact, most certainly as a result of deprivation.
The trick to effective Kino is to make the contact seem casual and subtle without crossing into betraying intent of intimacy seeking or to present the appearance of 'needing' the contact.
For instance, we may consider a slight squeeze back from a woman whose hand you've just grasped an indicator of interest, but this connotes something different than the woman who grasps your inner thigh while sitting down for drinks or dinner. The same holds true for men in the opposite role of delivering a message with touch, only it is much more exaggerated.
Bear in mind that women are far more adept at interpersonal communications than men are aware of. They covertly communicate with innuendo, subtle and carefully chosen words, visual and non-verbal communications to be sure (i.e. dirty looks) and, of course, touch. They will understand a male's intent when he is unaware that he is even communicating it to her -- and nothing belies this intent better than carelessly applied Kino.
Casual Kino is easy to understand, but STRATEGIC KINO is an art.
Recall that physical touch engenders bio-chemical changes in a person -- this is the basis of Strategic Kino. In this Kino we establish a reward-reinforcer relationship with our target.
This principle is rooted in behavioral and child psychology -- we reward children with praise and affection for a desired behavior, but remove it when an undesired behavior is performed. This is effective because of an actual physical need for this contact.
It should also be emphasized that this Kino is only ever effective after a dominance / affirmation seeking relationship is established. Using effective neg hits, proving value and making your target see you as the PRIZE is essential, and no amount of Kino will alter this.
Strategic Kino is just one tool in a DJ's tool box and using Kino prior to setting yourself up as the objective for her will in all likelihood turn her off to you.
That said, the principle of Strategic Kino is to reward your target with touch for appropriate responses and punish her with responses that are undesired while in conversation. Your target should be isolated to ensure there is no external interference.
This Kino is akin to shutting your target out in the initial stages of opening to a group by keeping your back to her and only recognizing her when she becomes insistent. Your touch becomes comforting to her and you establish a baseline for this sense of comfort.
Remember, there is a bio-chemical element to touch, so on a subtle level her body becomes accustomed to this. When it is removed (and you've made this touch valuable), she will covertly understand that this touch implies approval and acceptance, and the absence of it connotes punishment.
