Great Movies About Women, Dating, and Relationships
I recently queried the readers of The Don Juan Newsletter for Great Movies that they have seen which they thought taught them a lot about women, dating, and relationships. This is what they had to say.
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Rent Swingers. It is good. Weed through the advice the different characters tell each other and ditch all the shallow shit (because it is transparent and untruthful, which women can tell), and focus on the great truth of the situation. Sweet. The ending is an amazingly great commentary on human interaction, imo.
I'd nominate the movie Don Juan de Marco with Marlon Brando and (I think) Johnny Depp. It offers a very entertaining approach as to the things men need to learn in treating women. "You must learn to touch her the way her lingerie does."
The Horse Whisperer
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I watched this movie and I saw a complete study in human psychology.
Examples:
Robert Redford is the Hero (no surprise). When Kirsten Thomas-Scott's character calls him to make arrangements for his help, he rebuffs her. He does NOT need her. She was a lady that was used to getting her way and being a bully about it. He was not prepared to put up with any nonsense and this completely flummoxed her. The man later revealed his kindness and wisdom, but at a crucial moment, his love interest says, "I don't think Tom does anything he does not want to." He has established equality and respect and is someone worth admiring. This was a good man, not a "nice guy" and there is a difference. He also playfully teased her and NEVER put her on the pedestal that her lackeys at work did. Of course she fell for him.
When it came time to get information from the little girl, or even to get the horse to come to him, he used patience, not force or desperation. When the young lady was petulant and insisting she not be included, he allowed her to live in her own miserable world while he got on with his business. It was not long before she figured out that sulking in a hotel room was not going to be as interesting as watching this "horse whisperer" work. If he had ordered her to come it would have been under duress, not appreciated and she would have resisted any conversation.
Later he showed trust and insisted that she drive the truck. He put her in an environment where there was no chance of disaster, and she could try something new with minimal fear. She did as she was told and enjoyed herself thoroughly. Later he explained that he needed to know what happened the day of the accident, that it would help him help her horse. He pointed out that when she was able and ready to tell him, he wanted to listen. Much later she broke down and told him all. He did not demand answers, he requested and granted her the control of the how, and the when. His opinion and reassurances mattered much more when she knew the kind of man that he was, and she trusted him to mean what he said.
Near the end of the film he asks her to trust her one more time... she ponders, and trusts. Why not? He has EARNED her trust instead of selling it, or demanding it, or expecting it. We earn the trust of our male friends when we play sports or stick together, yet we try to "sell" women on who we are. You have to earn respect, admiration and trust through your behavior. You cannot talk your way into what you must behave your way into.
How many times do you meet someone when you are already dating? Quite often because the stench of desperation is absent and nothing is pushed... it just happens. You CAN affect the same aura of confidence and calm even when you are single. I think there are lessons in here on how to do that. You can learn not to take any crap (not a pushover), still be kind, and be gentle in the way you treat others. You can earn their admiration. So go out and buy the $40 roses if you like... I think that cleaning up your personality, style and self-esteem might be a better idea in the short, and long run.
In short, it was a well shot film with wonderful landscape in the background. If you like horses, it is also a plus. If you don't, watch it anyway and try and pick up on the helpful hints on how to manage people and their emotions.
If you don't agree... it's on video and cost you $5. Hardly a big investment.
I think every aspiring Don Juan should see the movie Swingers. It's a realistic and funny look at the 90s (and 00s) dating scene and it can teach you a lot. Definitely a gem, and in my opinion should be part of every young man's education :)
Go rent it now! Watch it a couple of times, say to yourself: "you are so money baby!" and go get the girls!
Happiness
How not to be.
(and a great film)
Movies:
Clerks, Mallrats, etc... anything by Kevin Smith. No hidden meanings. Kinda "in your face lessons."
American Pie. First of all, just watching these guys will make you feel better. But the odd thing is, if you think for a minute you'll see it's not because they're goofballs, but b/c we have done the same things or felt the same way (more or less). If anything it can be a "what not to do movie."
Two of my favorite movies about relationships are Swingers and Jerry Maguire, and the reason is that I think they really tackle relationships with a lot of truth, not Hollywood glamour... Plus, they're funny as all hell. I know I, and I think a lot of people, can relate to the male characters in both films.
But, if you want a good movie to watch with the lady-friend, you cant go wrong with Philadelphia Story with Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn. It's a classic for a reason. And, of course, Casablanca. It's the best ever.
I would like to suggest the movie Untamed Heart. This is what I see as an underrated movie. It's very good and it shows you that you should be willing to give up the things that mean the most to you, in this case the records. The guy in the movie is certainly no Don Juan but you can learn some things from him. One interesting thing I found about the movie is the part where he put the Christmas tree in the girl's room. I'm not suggesting that someone break into their girl's house and put up a real live Christmas tree, but be creative. Find out something the girl loves that seems far fetched and get it or do it for her.
I think that the French Serano De Burgerac, starring Gerard Depardieu, (my spelling may be incorrect) would be excellent. It demonstrates, how appearance is far less significant then a man's ability to speak like a poet. It is tragic, but illuminating. Valmont by Milos Forman is excellent. My favorite, Dangerous Liaisons, goes in depth into gender psychology. Very realistic in the psychological sense. It also has the most beautiful love letter I've ever seen or read, that I stole several times, and used it successfully. Valmont is a type of 18th century Don Juan. Naturally he should be featured at the don Juan site. I think Pedro Almodavar's Kika, a film about a nymphomaniac whose father is a famous gynecologist is another good candidate. Also Motodor by Almodovar is stunning in the way it ties sexuality with the darker side of the human psyche. Indochine was a movie about the French in Vietnam, that compared a mother and a daughter, in contrast to one another, and their affair with a young French officer. That's about all I can think of right off hand. You've Got Mail seemed to me accurate.
I'm sure you're familiar with Don Juan de Marco (I think that's the name of it) starring, among others, Marlon Brando. Even though the guy was certifiable he sure could charm women! His philosophy was well stated with a line that went something like: "A woman should be played like a fine instrument." It may have been "violin" instead but the point was clear, either way. It affected my whole outlook!
Per your request, here they are (your suggestion about Groundhog Day was spot-on; I've always thought is was an excellently done movie with a great lesson!):
- The Other Sister (most guys would call this a "chick-flick," but isn't that where you get the best info??)
- French Kiss (Kevin Kline learns a lesson about women, and Meg Ryan learns a lesson about life)
- Phenomenon **Excellent One** (John Travolta teaches us ALL a great lesson about how to live AND love)
- The Sex Monster w/ Mariel Hemmingway (Hilarious! What NOT to do...)
You asked for good Movies in the last Newsletter, so I thought I could help a bit. But there is one little problem: I'm German, and I don't know the American titles of the movies. but I'll try to explain...
The first movie I recommend is called: Bliss - Im Augenblick der Lust. I guess it would be called Bliss - Moment of Desire, in America. It's about a couple that has some sexual problems, and that's cuz she was raped by her father as a little child. So she and her husband went to a psycho therapist. (I guess that's how you call them.) After a while she goes to a special doctor, without her husband knowing it. But he works on a building that's being constructed and he sees her going to that doctor through a kinda telescope. He went to the doctor and grumbled (?) at him. But the doctor told him how he wanted to help his wife. He wanted the husband to learn "Karezza" (about the same as tantra) to bring her back the joy of sex. I hope that's enough information for you to find that movie somewhere.
The next movie I could recommend is You've Got Mail. (I think that's how you Americans call it.) You should know it cuz it's pretty new.
The third movie is Sleepless in Seattle, also with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I guess you know it.
Another Movie (I know the American title on this one :-) ) is Dream for an Insomniac. It's about a young miss that gets a crush on a guy that starts working in her uncle's coffee shop. She wants a little angel, and he has blue eyes and a cute face, so that's why she wants him. But unfortunately he already has a girlfriend. But in the end almost everybody is happy...
And another movie. It's called "Gro�e Erwartungen" in Germany. So I guess you would call it Great Expectations. It features Ethan Hawke, Robert DeNiro and Gwynneth Pealthrow. The main story is that Ethan Hawke gets a crush on Gwynneth as a child, and she always takes a step aside when he wants to get closer to her. But she also show the signals that she wants him. But the "devil" inside her lets her being so mean to Ethan. It's hard to explain with my vocabulary, but it's a really good movie.
Don Juan De Marco is also a great Love-Movie. But I guess you already have that one in your hall of fame ;) Well, you should know about that one.
The next movie is called Message in a Bottle. I haven't seen it, but I guess it's pretty romantic. It features Kevin Costner. The one from "Postman" or "Robin Hood." You'll find it somewhere. It's only about half a year old in Germany.
And last but not least, a movie called "Auf den ersten Blick" in Germany (At First Sight). It features Val Kilmer. I don't know how "She" is called. But that main story is that he is blind and she gets a crush on him and vice versa. After a while he gets operated in the eyes and he is able to see. But cuz he had never seen before, he is very irritated. But I guess she helps him with all those problems. I don't know how you would call it. We say "liebe auf den ersten blick" when we see somebody and know that's the one wwo we love. Maybe you call it "love since the first glance/gaze" or something like that. Hope you'll find it.
