How I Learned Not to Put All My Eggs in One Basket
Do you remember grade school?
C'mon, the dirty knees, possibly a little nap time, the strange recess games?
And, likely, your first crush.
I certainly remember MY first crush. I spent months thinking about her, envisioning doing... well, I didn't know yet, but pleasurable things with her, maybe even kissing. She was a friend of mine, but I was so consumed by love that she never fell from the perfection of a fantasy.
One day I finally told her how I felt. In a rudimentary love letter I professed undying affection, stars and moons and green clovers, if she wanted them.
The next day, my crush crushed me. And it was two years before I tried again. A year later I even turned down a girl who asked ME out I was so lovelorn and traumatized.
Ah, what I wouldn't give to slap my young self around.
At least I learned something, something that many men never pick up on, at least in today's date-phobic world of one-night stands and steady serious relationships. Something so simple, it has it's own tired trite expression hammered into every English-speaking human's head.
You can't put all your eggs in one basket.
I'm not advocating cheating on anyone, or avoiding commitment, or any of the other possible nasty things you could extrapolate from that phrase. I'm merely saying, unless you are in a serious relationship, you need to keep your options open.
Let's examine that. Pretend I'm me, many years after my first failed attempt at love. I've never learned the lessons, and I keep focusing on one woman at a time. What's wrong with that?
First, I'm cutting myself from all the dozens or hundreds of other women I could be meeting at the same, women that might be even better than the one I've targeted. Women I might find myself attracted to, or women that might be attracted to me... they are all thrown out the window.
Chances are, by the time I've resolved everything with my current crush, the moment of truth with the scores of other women will have passed. I took myself off the market for, what, a hope? And sadly enough, that hope is rarely realized.
Second, I stagnate. Look, attracting women is a SKILL, and like any skill you need to PRACTICE A LOT before you can get good. Scott Rolen takes more grounders a day than most people take in their life. Every day offensive linemen hit pads more times than you'll hit the pillow this decade. And Ernest Hemingway wrote more words before breakfast than most college educations demand.
The world often assigns the label "genius" or just "brilliant" when what we really should be celebrating is HARD WORK. PRACTICE. Good old Edison said genius was 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.
Well, attracting women is a similar breakdown, with 10% being uncontrollable things like physical appeal and the other 90% being skills mastered by PRACTICE.
If I fixate on one girl, I'm not going to get much practice in.
Lastly, and most important, THAT FIXATION IS NOT ATTRACTIVE. In fact, YOU WILL SCARE HER AWAY.
That's why special crushes rarely work out.
Even if, after all I've just said, you think you'd feel more comfortable pursuing one lady at a time, YOU CANNOT ACT LIKE SHE IS THE ONLY ONE.
That's bad territory. That's stalker territory. That's I'm-a-desperate-loser-who-needs-you-to-save-me-and-make-me-
feel-good territory. That's about as UNATTRACTIVE as it comes.
Not to mention humans, in general, most want what they can't have. There's a reason people play hard-to-get. Because IT WORKS.
Most folks imagine men are messed up because they want the one girl who doesn't want them.
Don't worry, men aren't messed up that way. EVERYONE is. And you know it.
That's also why most men face the same problem – wanting the women they can't have, and yet being liked by those they don't find attractive.
Use those logic lessons. It's not just a giant coincidence that EVERYONE faces.
No one likes a desperate anything, and when you focus on one girl... you tend to make your feelings real clear. And it feels desperate.
You may THINK you hide it, you can play it cool.
The truth is, even if you are conscious of the whole game, your body language gives away the truth. You can play it as cool as you like, but if you're fixated on one girl, your body never lies.
She'll know it.
And she won't like it.
Maybe you've gotten away with it once or twice, maybe you will again, but in general you SABOTAGE yourself by – consciously or not – coming on too strong.
So, now, let's go back to me, years after my brutal lesson. I've learned it. I'm past crushes. WHAT do I do?
"Next." That's the key word. When I'm out looking for ladies, I remember that there are thousands in my area, a number of which are looking for someone (and a number of which aren't), and I KEEP MYSELF OPEN TO THEM ALL.
When I meet a girl I like, she'll know that I'm interested. I mean, I'm a guy, she's assumed it before I say a thing.
What I need to LET her know is that I DON'T NEED HER. My life can be perfectly fine without her – I'm going to have a good time no matter who I'm with, because I'm a fun interesting guy.
If it's with her, great, and if it's not, that's fine too.
I figure that, of all the women I meet, maybe 75% will be unavailable for whatever reason – boyfriend, bad breakup, stress in life, things NOT related to me – and I'm ready to move on if any one isn't working out.
I am always ready to move on. I am always ready to say NEXT.
I'm saying, when you're dating, you should be open to dating many women.
There's nothing dishonest about it, unless you make it so.
You don't need to hide from anyone. In fact, I find most women get MORE attracted to me when they know I'm dating other women simultaneously.
I know. Humans are strange.
But if you think about it a certain way, it makes sense. It tells a woman that not only am I NOT desperate and clingy, but I'm successful and DESIRABLE.
It also activates that primordial COMPETITIVE gene all people have.
One other bonus I've discovered is they tend to RESPECT and TRUST you more.
Isn't that crazy?
Most women assume men are whores who will sleep with anything given half a chance. If you are forthright about dating many women and DON'T TRY TO HIDE ANYTHING, you come off as the hero. The only honest guy they've ever met.
THIS is one of the reasons why jerks attract women. They do all this and it becomes a self-sustaining cycle.
The difference between the jerks and you is you don't have to do it in a mean or cruel way. You can have fun with it. And she'll LOVE you for it.
The other big bonus goes back to something we talked about before, PRACTICE.
No one knew how to ride a bike at first. Everyone almost crashed a car in the early learning. And we got through that to eventually learn to do both.
But most guys, hit with a rejection or two, abandon a method, or even abandon the concept of approaching women.
They become SCARED of the rejection. It's only natural. You're scared of falling off a bike too.
But you can't take each FAILURE as a PERMANENT way of being. What didn't work on one woman may work on another. If something CONSISTENTLY fails, you can tinker and discover where the problem is.
And if something that seems to work some of the time fails a couple times, you need to KEEP your CONFIDENCE and get back on the bike. Remember, most times when an approach doesn't lead to digits or dates, it has nothing to do with you. It's an issue the girl has.
With that in mind, it takes A LOT of attempts to figure out what works best for you. Better not to even think about getting the girl as your objective. Instead, treat each approach as a chance to learn HOW TO BE ATTRACTIVE.
Do that, and you won't focus too much on any one girl, and you'll be able to speed your learning curve.
If you want to speed that learning curve up even more, you can use the exercises and techniques I've perfected and put in my books - just click here to take a look. Try them out, find what works for you, and you'll be on your way past the tragedy of the one-basket man.
Regards,
Derek Vitalio
Learn the Science of Seduction
http://www.seductionscience.com
