Success Coach - Doc Love

What Does Kevin Spacey Say About His Exes?

Hey Doc,

I'm still learning "The System" and getting better at it with each girl. I just want to thank you for writing your book; it has helped me more than anything else I've tried with women and dating.

But here's my problem. As hard as this is for me to admit, I'm a 27-year-old guy who's never had a girlfriend! I can approach girls, get numbers, and even second dates thanks to your techniques, but that's as far as it goes.

The thing that trips me up now is when I'm dating a girl and she asks me, "So, how many girlfriends have you had?" And "What happened to your last relationship? Why did you break up?"

What am I supposed to say, Doc? I never had a girlfriend! I tried saying "I don't think it's proper for me to talk about other women on such a personal basis with you," but they keep insisting. Then I try deflecting the pressure by saying "There's no point in talking about the past."

By now the girl assumes I've been dumped again and again, but she keeps asking over and over until she gives up. Unfortunately, I know the subject will come up again. I could lie and make up stories about past girlfriends, but it could come back to haunt me.

In your book you say that if this situation comes up I should just say my ex was an Inflexible Taker. But I'd be lying since there is no ex. Should I just be honest and tell these women I've never had a girlfriend?

I'm in a catch-22 situation because if you don't have experience with girls then they hold it against you (and probably leave), but you can't get experience unless you get a girl in the first place.

I hope you can help me with this situation, Doc, I really need it.

Beck - who's trying to get on the scoreboard

Hi Beck,

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't snagged yourself a squeeze yet, but by your own admission you're getting better with the girls. This is important.

Most people think that the road to success with females is a trek across the Mojave Desert. But the truth is that it's a journey across the Sahara. It's a long, long distance you have to cross, guy.

And the more garbage I have to clean out of your little head because you've been brainwashed or hurt, the longer the trip is going to take. But since you've started learning my techniques, there's no need to despair. First you're going to acquire the knowledge, and with time you're going to get the action.

At this point you're only getting to the second date with girls because that's as far as you've gotten with my techniques. You have a certain portion of my book down--up to the second date -- but as you memorize the Dating Dictionary, your expertise will expand.

But, again, let me remind you of the upside -- at least you're getting to the second date. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Hey, lots of guys can't even get the home phone number!" Gee, Beck, you're a regular Don Juan in the making and you don't even know it!

Here's How You Handle It When You Get Peppered With Questions About Your Past By Your Dates

You respond like Owen Wilson or Jim Carrey would -- with a funny line.

I can just hear you protesting, "But Doc, they're going to get mad!" And my response is this: what kinds of girls will get mad? Well, I'll tell you what kinds of girls -- structured girls and girls with low Interest Level. See how "The System" protects you?

So when a babe asks how many girlfriends you've had, you just give her your best Al Pacino look and say "Are you referring to the three stalkers who are bugging me, too?"

And when she wants to know "What happened in your last relationship," tell her in your best Humphrey Bogart voice, "She didn't know how good she had it!"

And when she demands to know "Why did you break up," you come right back with "I won't hang with a girl who doesn't love me!"

To you Psych majors, you're not supposed to do or say anything unless it raises Interest Level. Do you think that telling a girl everything that did or didn't happen in the past 27 years would raise Interest Level? Think about it for two seconds.

You're being way too intense when you say "It's not proper for me to talk about the women in my past." What have I told you guys again and again?

Keep It Light, Keep It Funny, and No Serious Talk

When you're out on the first or second date, that's the time for fun and banter, and here you're defending yourself. Like my cousin General Love says, "You're a defensive lineman and you're getting pushed all over the field!"

When she keeps insisting on getting information out of you, Beck, just shut up. Sit there and smile at her. Remember, you don't have to talk. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, "She don't have no .45 to your head, dog!"

But I have to hand it to you, Beck, "There's no point in talking about the past" is a very macho thing to say. Seriously though, I don't think I ever heard John Wayne say it to a girl when he was alive. Well, maybe he said it once -- to his horse.

If a girl has to bug you until she gives up, Beck, make her give up sooner. And when the subject comes up yet again, like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "You'll sit there and do the same thing until you get tough, boy!"

You shouldn't be sitting there worrying about how a lie can come back to haunt you. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, "Dude, you can't get past the second date! Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?"

For lots of guys it's the truth that their exes were Inflexible Takers, but I'm going to give you something funnier to tell these babes. When she wants to know what happened with your ex, just say "Honey, I can't take these beautiful Victoria's Secret models trying to smother me all the time!"

But if you insist, Beck, go right ahead and tell your dates that you've never had a girlfriend -- that will really help your cause. It's raised the Interest Level of every girl who's ever heard it. Uh, right.

You're not in a catch 22, buddy. You haven't memorized my book yet -- that's your real problem. But again, remember that you're bettering yourself. You're getting to the second date. But to go further -- to reach the finish line "- you have to memorize the Word.

Remember, guys: as long as you're improving yourself with "The System," relax and enjoy the trip.

To hear my CALL-IN RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about "The System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"