Success Coach - Doc Love

Should a Guy Ever Get Involved With Anne Heche?

Hey Doc,

I am new to your website and just recently ordered and received your book. My situation is this: I've just been dumped after a year-and-a-half-long relationship with someone I work with.

Even though I didn't know about your techniques two years ago when Sophia and I became friends, I played it cool and apparently was a total Challenge even though Sophia is stunning to look at, because within three months she'd dumped the guy she was with and became my girlfriend with very little effort on my part.

I was suspicious, however, as I'd pried enough information out of Sophia to know that she'd left every relationship she was ever in for a new guy. I even joked with her about not wanting to be the next chump, and actually held my Interest Level to about 75% for the first six to eight months.

However, I had an online dating ad that I'd used previously, but not while we were dating. Sophia saw it on my computer browser and went ballistic. I apologized to her (I know -- groveling, very bad!) and in that moment the Interest Levels in our relationship completely switched. Mine shot up to 95% and hers dropped to 70% or lower. The long slide to below 40% took a year for Sophia, and of course my level of interest increased to compensate (which I now know had exactly the opposite effect on her).

So here's my question. Was I wrong for not listening to my intuition about this woman? It seems she leaves every guy for a new chump the same way. Does the way a woman leaves a relationship have anything to do with the way she's going to act in the future? Should a guy be concerned about getting involved with her in the first place?

I'm a rookie, but I'm ready to do it differently next time.

Roberto - who's trying to learn from his mistakes

Hi Roberto,

You say Sophia dumped you. In other words, you wasted your time for a year and a half, got dropped, and still have no idea how to change your behavior. Luckily you ordered my book and you're going to memorize it. Then you'll be able to straighten yourself out.

Did you ever hear of DATING, Roberto? What happened to that stage of the process? Sounds to me like you skipped that step, and that's a problem. You should have dated this girl before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "My son, there was a swiftness in this operation that was very dangerous."

You should have gone about this whole thing slowly: waited until after Sophia dumped the other guy and then called her, asked her to Starbucks, waited a week, given her another call, etc., the way it's supposed to be done.

But you just bulled your way straight into the relationship stage like 90% of the guys confronted with a girl who could pass for Jessica Alba. You bought into this girl way too fast. Part of the reason for going in with cautious deliberation is to make sure the girl's not just doing a rebound. Or, as they say in Australia, a boomerang.

Sophia should leave every relationship for a new guy — that's what Beautiful Women do. When this girl looks in the mirror she says to herself, "Wow — I should be on the cover of Cosmo!" And she's right. Let's face it: nobody gets rid of a Beautiful Woman. They get rid of guys.

Kidding about Sophia dumping you is a very heavy subject. I hope you had the utmost confidence in yourself when you were doing it, because you were treading on very thin ice there, pal. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, "You have to be careful not to plant the wrong idea in her head."

When she spotted that old dating ad on your computer, it showed that you're sloppy. As soon as Sophia said "I want to be your girlfriend," you should have gone through everything you owned and anything from any other girl and gotten rid of it — starting with the stuff on your computer. There's too much stuff on the computer as it is. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "Unless you want your mom and the Pope and the CIA seeing it, erase your history."

You didn't grovel when Sophia went nuts on you. You should have apologized to her because you were wrong to flaunt your dating habits in front of her. You weren't wrong for having the ad in the first place, but you were wrong for not getting rid of it. That's what you should have told her, and that's not groveling. Like the old cowboy saying goes, "When you're wrong, stand up like a man and take your medicine."

But let's go a step further. When this girl went ballistic it wasn't because of what was on your computer. That was just an excuse. She was attacking you because of her low Interest Level. Her Interest Level was already falling, buddy.

Of course she wasn't going to tell you that. But that was the number one reason for her tirade. The number two reason is that your profile's still on a dating site when you're supposed to be her exclusive boyfriend. So she was camouflaging her true intentions. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, "Dawg, you got a lot of work to do!"

You think Sophia's Interest Level only dropped to 70%? Don't you mean 35%? You should have gotten out of there before her long slide began, dude. There's an old saying in sales: "When you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to get the same results." Instead of letting your Interest Level run wild, you should have not reacted to what she did and practiced a little Self-Control.

Forget about your intuition. Sophia is a Beautiful Woman, and like I said before, guys are at a disadvantage when it comes to Beautiful Women. Who's going to dump her? All women drop guys the same way. You're trying to read more into rejection than what is really there. Like the Reality Factor says, "Somebody's going to dump somebody, and since she looks like Kate Beckinsale's twin sister, she's never the one who's going to get dumped."

This girl isn't going to change her behavior. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "She's going to act the same way until she finds somebody who doesn't make her into his mama and doesn't bore her to death." And of course you're going to get involved with her, but like my cousin General Love says, "Before you do, you have to prepare for war," and that means memorizing my materials.

Until then, you're wasting your time. You're going to get slaughtered because you don't know what you're doing. So I certainly hope you're going to do it differently next time!

Remember, guys: when you get into the Ring of Love with a Beautiful Woman, you better know how to box.

To hear my CALL-IN RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about "The System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"