Confident Persistence
Maybe you've heard the stories. Perhaps it was a relative, or a friend, or maybe you were watching a late-night talkshow and some smashingly beautiful vixen was on telling how she and her husband met.
They're so in love. They have the perfect marriage. They can't imagine being apart from one another.
But it didn't begin that way.
She wasn't, actually, very interested in him when they first met.
But he pursued her, and he was relentless. It was months, maybe even years, before she finally cracked.
But she DID crack. Fell head over heels in love with him... and they've been living in a dream world -- Happily Ever After since.
How is this possible?
I mean have you not read, more than once probably, that a woman knows within minutes of meeting a man if she's romantically interested in him or not. Does he not get put in the doable or dontable category immediately? Friend or lover? Hot or not?
How can she EVENTUALLY fall for a man who she wasn't IMMEDIATELY attracted to?
Well let me fill you in.
And this "filling in" is going to relate the very essence of being a Don Juan. The very core of becoming the kind of ladies man you've always wanted to be.
The key to women, the key to being surrounded by women, the key to being the envy of all your friends, and the key to being a Don Juan... is Confident Persistence.
Confident Persistence (CP) consists of deciding what you want, and going for it... and doing it with a smile, despite the numerous obstacles which you will most likely encounter along the way.
Obstacles could, for example, include things like: she doesn't return your call, she breaks or reschedules the date, she doesn't flirt with you or laugh at your jokes, she's hard to talk to, she seems interested in someone else, and, in general, she doesn't put herself out or go out of the way to convey that she's interested in you.
In other words, the obstacles are simply how a girl would act who is not HIGHLY INTERESTED in you.
Now... when we speak of CP, we're mainly talking about women that don't know you. Women you've just met. Or women that you've never spent any significant amount of time with. We're not talking about women you've known (and had a crush on) for years.
We employ the techniques of CP to get the initial interest up, to get her to relax and open up, to get the phone number, and to get the first date. CP is not an excuse for you to continue pursuing a woman that you're crazy about, but who knows you pretty well, and has no interest in you.
Now there are basically 2 ways to deal with the situation where you're interested in a girl, but she's not all that crazy about you.
1) You can give up, move on, NEXT HER! And look for someone who is more interested in you.
This is a popular strategy among men who are beginning to learn the "game." It's the easy and safe way of dealing with women. And it's what many guys learn to do as they get older, and begin realizing how much time they have wasted pursuing women who weren't interested in them.
Of course, the bad thing about NEXTing a girl is that you DON'T GET THE GIRL.
And the most common mistake that guys make when employing this strategy is NEXTing a woman too soon. They flirt with a woman, and she doesn't flirt back - NEXT. They leave a message on her machine, and she doesn't call back - NEXT. They plan a date but she calls at the last minute to cancel - NEXT.
In short, they NEXT any woman who doesn't display IMMEDIATE HIGH INTEREST.
What's wrong with this you say?
Well the MISTAKE here is that you're filtering women based simply upon their INITIAL level of interest in you. You're filtering women based upon whether they are IMMEDIATELY attracted to you or not.
This is a WEAK strategy and not one employed by a true Don Juan. It reeks of low confidence, a fragile ego, and fear.
And it's also a BAD strategy.
It's bad because you're expecting a woman that you just met, that you may have only talked to for 3 or 4 minutes, or less, to display signs of high interest. You're expecting some woman that you hardly know, and who hardly knows you, to get excited at the prospect of spending time with you.
Expecting immediate high interest is UNREALISTIC!
Now, of course, it's possible that this will happen, that she will immediately be overwhelmingly attracted to you... maybe because you are just her type physically, you remind her of someone she used to be crazy about (maybe Uncle Steve), she's incredibly desperate at the moment, or you were really on top of your game when you approached her and managed to blow her completely out of the water.
All these things are possible, but you shouldn't rely on them.
You see, when your strategy involves sorting women based upon initial interest levels, you're placing your entire future into the hands of fate. If she is immediately attracted to you -- great! If not -- NEXT!
Being a Don Juan is not about sorting women and NEXTing women. Anyone can sort women based upon their initial attraction levels. That doesn't take any skill. All that takes is not having a fear of rejection and approaching lots of women... until you happen to luck out and find one who, for some strange unknown reason, is immediately attracted to you.
Being a Don Juan is about getting the women you want. And it's about taking a woman who has low to moderate interest and, by following a few simple principles, converting that into high interest and, hopefully, an overwhelming desire to see you naked.
Or 2) You can PURSUE her.
Now the "pursuing" is where it gets tricky and complicated.
You can pursue her in such a way that you come across as being DESPERATE, like most of your fellow Non Juans do, like most guys in this world do. Or you can pursue in such a way that you appear CONFIDENT, STRONG, CHARISMATIC... like a Don Juan does.
So let's talk about how a Don Juan pursues women. Let's talk about the 6 major characteristics of confident persistence.
And remember, CP is not just persistence. CP is the process of displaying certain personality characteristics which actually make you more attractive to women... as you pursue them.
1) A Don Juan never gets upset.
A Don Juan is always in complete control of his emotions. He doesn't get mad when a girl fails to return his call. He doesn't become depressed when she breaks the date. He doesn't get jealous when she flirts with some other guy. He doesn't become irate when she doesn't show up at the restaurant or she shows up late.
He doesn't react in any of these ways because he EXPECTS these little annoyances to occur. He understands that women are flaky. Women are moody. Women are illogical and very inconsistent. (Especially women with low to moderate initial interest.)
He also understands that it's TOO EARLY to expect consistent positive behavior.
Remember, these are women who hardly know you. Maybe women you met at the mall, on the street, at a grocery store. They don't have any reason YET to display signs of high interest. It's your Don Juan job to give them the reasons. But that takes a little bit of time together.
Now the higher her interest level is, the less flaky, moody, illogical, and inconsistent she behaves. But we don't really have to "pursue" highly interested women, do we?
2) A Don Juan does not worry about his ego.
Some guys are too worried about getting hurt, too worried about being taken advantage of, too worried about being made a fool of, and too worried that things are going to turn out badly... to be very effective at pursuing women.
A Don Juan does not worry about these things. A Don Juan is not afraid of rejection, he's not afraid of being used, he's not afraid of looking foolish, and he's not afraid of failing.
His self-esteem is high and firmly grounded. He's happy and loving life. And the actions of a few flaky, moody, and illogical ladies are not going to change that. And it's this base of high self-esteem that gives him the confidence to pursue women that seem to be not all that interested in him.
You might even say that a Don Juan loves the CHALLENGE of peaking a girl's interest, closing for the phone number, getting the first date, and then converting her low interest into high.
3) A Don Juan is not lazy.
CP is not really necessary when the girl is highly interested in us right from the start (in other words, when we LUCK OUT). CP is necessary when the girl has a low to moderate level of initial interest in us.
So we expect problems. We expect obstacles. We expect that she probably won't return our call, or that she'll cancel the date, or that she won't show up, etc.
And we're prepared to deal with it. We're prepared to call again and again (until we get a definite NO). We're prepared to have dates canceled or plans altered (we always have backup plans). We're prepared for her inconsistent and confusing behavior (and ignore it). And we're prepared to WORK our way through all the obstacles, confusion, problems, and other drama in order to get what we want.
Getting women is not always easy. Sometimes we have to work a little bit. But like they say, anything worth having is worth working for.
(Special Note: there are a number of very cool strategies that one can utilize to increase the probability of her giving the number, her calling back, her accepting the date, and her actually showing up. Look for those in a future article.)
4) A Don Juan has options.
One of the main reasons a Don Juan is able to control his emotions, that he doesn't get upset or worry about things, is that he's always pursuing numerous women at the same time.
He realizes when he begins his pursuit of any one particular lady, that things may not work out. He may never get her and he's fully prepared to deal with the situation. So he has other options.
Do you really think you'd sit around worrying, or get upset, or concern yourself with "protecting your ego" if you had a date with Susan on Wednesday, a date with Kelly on Friday, two other women calling you all the time, and a stack of 9 or 10 different phone numbers sitting on your dresser?
Of course not, you'd be relaxed and confident. When a girl doesn't return your call, it wouldn't faze you a bit. When she cancels at the last minute, you'd feel like laughing. When you see her flirting with some other guy, you'd kick back and enjoy the show.
This is not to say that you're a player, or that you don't prefer one woman over all the others. It's just that you're smart enough not to put all your eggs in one basket until you're POSITIVE that she's puttin all her eggs in there as well.
5) A Don Juan accepts the inevitable games and tests.
The fact that women play games and test men does not make them bad people. It just means that they have lots of options (many guys who are interested in them) and they have had to come up with tests (often administered in a non-conscious fashion) as a way of filtering their pursuers into the Average Guys and the Real Men.
If you follow the basics of being a Don Juan, you will always pass the tests and blow away the competition. So a Don Juan doesn't worry much about these little tests.
But even if you do, even if you pass the initial tests and she becomes highly interested in you, don't expect the tests and games to stop. Never expect that things will get logical and easy with women. They won't.
For example, she may be very very attracted to you and still not return your phone calls, or she might break a date, or flirt with other guys, or some other such thing. Why?
Because she knows, from years of reading Cosmo and discussing "strategy" with her friends, how to play the game. She knows about playing hard to get, hot and cold, social proof, being busy, etc. And when she finds a man that she really really wants (that would be you, Don Juan), by golly, she's going to use all these little tricks and techniques to try and keep him.
So don't let it upset or confuse you. Take it as a compliment that she's putting in all this effort to keep you interested.
6) A Don Juan knows that he's special.
The entire basis for employing CP is knowing that you are, not just a great guy, but the best guy she's ever going to meet. You KNOW down deep in you soul, that if you could just get a block of her time (a date or two) that you could blow her away and make her forget every other guy she's ever known.
Beautiful women are everywhere. Go to any mall, or nightclub, or office building, or just walk down a crowded sidewalk. Beautiful women are not that rare. You see them all the time.
But YOU ARE RARE. You're a Don Juan. How many guys do you think are Don Juans? How many do you think are really good with women? Well, my friend, it's very very few. That I know for a fact. But if I had to make an educated guess, I'd say maybe 3 out of 100 guys are good with women, and maybe 1 out of 1000 is Don Juan good with women.
If you keep these numbers in mind, if you keep in mind that the number of drop dead gorgeous women far exceeds the number of Don Juans, you begin to realize that "Hey, I'm the one who's special here. I'm the guy that all these women are looking for."
This must be your mindset. This is the mindset of a Don Juan.
To help crystallize the principles of CP for you, how bout a real-life example of a Don Juan who regularly employs CP to charm the ladies? I'm talking about the man himself, James Bond. (Okay, okay he's not really real.)
Any Bond fan knows that James does not always have immediate success with the ladies. Sometimes the women are not interested in him, sometimes they despise him, sometimes they're bitter evil enemies, and sometimes they actually want him dead.
Do these "minor" obstacles ever bother James? No way. Whenever a woman acts like she's uninterested, despises him, or wishes he were dead, what does he do? He just smiles.
He knows that NO WOMAN can resist him... FOR LONG. He knows that he's special. And he employs all of the above principles of CP to charm and disarm the ladies.
So when playing the field of beautiful ladies, keep the principles of CP in mind: never get upset, forget your ego, don't be lazy, accept the tests and games, have plenty of options, and, most importantly, always remember that you're a Don Juan and any lady would be lucky to even have a shot at you.
Allen Thompson
djnewslet@sosuave.com
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