Nice Guys and Jerks
Men - Page 4
It is too easy for a girl when she has some punk all over her, answering her every need, calling her all the time. Girls do not want that at all. Girls want trouble, arguments, all that good stuff.
I learned the hard way what girls want when I kept on getting kicked to the curb, but now I am on a roll because I found out what they want. My advice to all men who are having a hard time meeting women, RELAX, throw out all that rules crap and let loose.
What is there to think about?
Jerks are unpredictable and they are not dependable. The woman feels challenged and takes up on the challenge. A nice guy will always be there, waiting for her, ready to give advice and will always "run to the rescue" because he is such a "good friend". And then the woman will leave the jerk and the nice guy will be happy for it because he will have his chance to show her that he wants them to be more than friends. And before you know it, the woman finds another jerk. And it's the same thing all over again.
I've been the nice guy to a really hot chick for 5 years, until one day I snapped. We were having this great "oh, we can't be more than just friends" conversation on the phone. So this time, I told her that if she can't see me romantically we should not talk ever again. She was such an egoist that she said that it was fine by her. I never called her and I thought to see that as an experiment. I was sure that sometime she would call. I got desperate but I didn't call.
And then, she called, after 18 months! I had made her swallow her ego and I was so damn proud of it. She wanted to meet for a drink the same night. And what did I say? No. How about the next day? No, no, I can't. Then I "gave in" and told her we could meet the third day. She was all sweet talk and trying to act cool. You really cannot imagine how great this felt after 6.5 years!
Girls love it when a guy treats them like shit. I don't know about the rest of you out there but I've known this for a while. I figure I better treat them like shit now before I get married. That's when they get to treat us like shit.
Well Don, the reason why women like jerks is because they feel the need to be emotional more than logical. I have slept with over 200 women in my life and I am 29 years old. The one pattern I see is that, in some way or another they are trying to live out some type of soap opera lifestyle. Sharing all of the human emotions. Here is a perfect example. I started dating this girl a month a ago. We started having sex soon there after. She said no more sex. I said I have a desire to make love. So I broke up with her.
I knew there was a greater chance of her coming back than not. Why? Because, first, sex is an emotional experience for most women, and two for her to know that she gave it up and then for me to dump her that stirred all those emotions. So I take her back, her not knowing that all I did was break her down, just to build her back up. Now she thinks in her subconscious mind that she can be happy with me. It just like catching a big fish. If the fish fights give it some rope, but leave the hook in its mouth. By the way your material is great.
Women are looking for men with confidence. Albeit there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, jerks show more of the favorable trait than nice guys.
I am a nice guy and, as you can imagine, that does not get me anywhere. I'm not very attractive but that is beside the point. Sure sometimes I'll meet a nice girl but the guys who are hard, cool or downright bastards gets to choose freely who they want.
Personally I believe it has something to do with the fact that women are brought up to believe that girls have to be nice, peaceful and obedient to her husband and that opposites attract. There might also be an element of masochism involved. I don't know.
I know I'm probably the one millionth guy to talk about this, but I know what you mean when all the fine senioritas date low-class jerks and all the so-so honeys end up with high-class, nice people like me. Well, I'd say the reason for this is because the fine ladies want someone who is in charge. This incredible red head went out with this idiot wrestler from my school - and I'd say it's because she wanted to gain popularity, feel protected, and have fun (this guy would always make mean jokes about people that would seem funny at the time).
My step-dad says to first start out low with a girl that already likes you.... after you break up you'll gain that much more experience. The only thing keeping people back from their dreams is fear, and the thing that conquers fear is confidence. I learned that over several years of maturing into adulthood. I'm sure everyone else knows this as well... but most of them too scared to try it.
In response to nice guys vs. jerks theory, I believe through my experience and my observation that it is not the mere fact that the so called "jerks" succeed over "nice guys" just by being unkind or rude or even ruthless. Whether they admit it or not (and most wouldn't) women are attracted to dominance. They're also attracted to a little bit of recklessness in your own life. It's a turn-on.
Now, dominance comes in many shapes and forms through many types of personalities and dispositions. Some negative, some positive and healthy. Each man does it differently. Some actually try to be a jerk for affect because that's what they believe works. But how does it work for both parties? It doesn't. It's one sided. It has to be mutual. You may have a woman attracted or attached to you but it's a limited attachment because it's the perceived dominance through the jerk attitude she's attached to not the real gentleman inside and usually the guy ends up dropping her.
I don't believe that's what the real men in this world want. I know, I've done it. If it's good for her it should be good for you. In a world where men are constantly downgraded, constricted and choked by political correctness through radical feminism, many men just give in and put there manhood to sleep or put there balls on the table and do what they're expected to do and not what they want to do. I believe that inside all men have what I call "True Male Dominance". We are born with it but negative and confusing learned behavior stifles the meaning and feeling of true dominance for many men.
We need to understand and take care of ourselves first - spiritually, mentally and physically because if we don't, how can we possibly be involved in a relationship with another and get the most out of it. You need to know who you are, what your values are, what you want and believe that it's yours for the taking and the giving if you choose. Women love a man who knows what he wants. But if you live your life 100% of the time trying to figure out what it is women want more than knowing your true self, you're just a horny dog, dizzy from a tail chase.
Over the years I've learned to shape my true dominance. I've learned that you don't have to be "the jerk" and you don't have to be the push over "nice guy" to be with the woman or women you want. You have to be a man who has strong beliefs and knows how to articulate those beliefs weather "she" likes them or not. Solid as a red oak.
Also believe the fact that there is a monumental difference between cocky and confident. Cocky comes from insecurity and outside of self and is a limitation. Confidence, however, has no limitations and comes from within which is where all the goodness and strength lie. Be confident. Respect those who deserve it not just the ones you have a hard on for. Be laid back, be cool and comfortably confident. If you're anal please change that. Be encouraging but not a kiss ass. Listen! Be a gentleman but never, never, never put up with a female that tries to test you (you only get one shot at that test - make sure you pass the first time).
Never put up with female shit. You don't have to, so DON'T. Let them know that. You're not being a "jerk", you're being dominant. It is your privilege and your right. Stop shit in its tracks. Trust me if the female you are with calls you a "jerk" because you're respecting yourself, she's wrong and at least you know you've made your point and 99% of the time she will never do it again and respect you more and more. If she doesn't see you as a "jerk" it shows that she's a strong woman who really knows and appreciates true dominance when she sees and feels it. Little by little that relationship will grow healthy get to a point of true possibility, example and a model for others.
Remember, men have so much to offer. I know it and my beautiful lady partner knows it. Spread the word and help your fellow gentleman be all he can be. Appreciate, love and respect yourself.
My closest friends and I (a group consisting of both nice guys and jerks) have come to our own conclusion on this matter, and it is a simple one.
When a woman meets "Mr. Right," or the "nice guy," she feels incomplete. Though he may be everything she says she wants, he is not what her nature tells her she needs. This is because she feels that, in order for her life to be complete, there must be some aspect of her man's life that she has to "fix."
When the nice guy rolls around, offering her the moon & stars on a silver platter, her senses go into overload. She looks and looks for something wrong with him. Though it is always there, Mr. Nice Guy doesn't make it as apparent as the jerk, whose personality flaws are more than enough to preoccupy their significant others for eternity.
In the end, the woman sees that there is something "wrong" with the man, if for no other reason than the fact that he doesn't offer her something to bitch and moan about. The couple may never get beyond idle chit-chat or they may go all the way to the dreaded proposal. But in either case, the relationship is doomed to failure.
I'm a 36 y/o male, and I've seen it many times. Women seem to go for the jerks more. I guess they're considered more exciting. If I looked like Denzel Washington, I likely wouldn't have a problem attracting women - but I don't. Women see me as a friend to talk to, but not as a romantic interest. I get to hear about all the 'jerks' they go out with, but *I* get ignored. I know nice guys finish last, but GEEZ, I'd at LEAST like to be in the middle of the pack sometime...
It's simple. Confidence.
One of the things I have come to know is that it is the ONE thing that all women want in a guy. Looks, money, whatever...they all come in behind confidence.
I think as far as "nice guys vs. jerks goes" it comes down to more of a show of confidence than confidence itself. The guys who are acting like jerks give off a certain level of arrogance that can look like confidence even though it's usually just immaturity or idiocy (as women later find out). Nice guys on the other hand do not have the outward appearance of confidence whether they have it or not, hence "nice guys always finish last."
The sad fact for both young men and older women is that nice guys (not all) are what women really want. As young men, nice guys don't get much credit, the jerks do and later on women go looking for that "nice sensitive" type and find that they are already married. Just the way it goes.
With me I approach every girl different. You have to keep the girl excited so talk less. Be mysterious. Show her that she doesn't mean shit too you. Girls who are attractive are used to getting stares, looks and compliments by the majority of guys. It sounds bad.. But you need to talk shit to her. I mean make fun of her in a way. This will make her chase you in a sense. She'll use any means necessary to get your attention. Ultimately sex and etc. We all know that jerks come off as being arrogant. So women like jerks who are in control. That's why nice guys have a hard time being competitive with jerks.
Every girl is different so it's not the same for everyone.
I just believe that if you are a nice guy and you think you have to act like a jerk or bad ass for a girl... that's pretty dumb.... I think people should be real and they shouldn't have to act. If a girl will only like you if you act like a jerk, then the relationship will most likely not last very long... you can't pretend to be a hard ass or a jerk forever.
And for the people that are jerks... there's nothing wrong with that... as long as you find a jerk lovin girl...
I just believe that you shouldn't have to act or pretend to be anything in a relationship.