From Hand-Holding to Something More Intense
Hey Ron and David,
How can I go from hand-holding to something more intense? I find I can get to the point where I'm sitting on the couch with a woman, watching a movie and holding hands. But what next?
--Stuck
Dear Stuck,
You've heard the saying that "God is in the details"? Well, so is sex, as it turns out. If you can bring exquisite, detailed attention to even a tiny part of her body, she'll go nuts for more.
The mistake most men make is they want to move on to something "big" and "fast." To advance hand-holding to something more, you have to focus on being "small" and "slow."
This means slowly caressing the palm of her hand, or touching your fingertips to hers, and really bringing your attention to the feeling of the sensation. Or you might just lightly stroke the inside of her wrist. You do this to draw her attention to the subtleties of the touch you are sharing.
Also, take your time with it. Most of our students are afraid that if they don't rush sexual interactions, sex will never happen. But it turns out the opposite is true. If you show that you are really willing to give her detailed, attentive touching, and that you aren't pushing things, it will very often draw her towards you.
Also, if you are willing to show that you have some faith that sex with happen -- you show this by not pushing things too hard, too fast -- you will also be very attractive to her, and not like all the boneheads guys who either 1) be "friends" by showing no interest at all or 2) be "jerks" by trying to push or bamboozle her for sex.
You may also want to hold eye contact while you are doing this touching. Don't force it; if she turns to look at you, hold her gaze. Be willing to really look into her eyes, and to have her look into yours. Show her you are willing to hold that intimate contact.
She'll probably be looking to you for whether it's okay or not to connect so strongly, so let yourself believe that it's okay -- don't wait for her to believe it's fine before you do.
This is a good time to comment on the energy between you. Commenting on the energy draws her attention to it, without it seeming like you are forcing anything. Saying, "Wow, this energy between us is really amazing," can do a lot to intensify her awareness and acceptance of that energy.
If she says, "Yes, it really feels great," that's when you might want to kiss her. You can either slowly lean in and kiss her without saying anything, or use the "announce" method, and say something like, "Don't panic, I'm going to kiss you now."
Commenting on the energy is also a great test to see whether she is ready for the first kiss, or not. If she says, "Eh, I don't feel much energy," then you know to not bother trying to kiss her. If she says, "Yes, I feel it and it really scares me, I think we should slow things down," then you know to back off for a while, until she is comfortable.
Often women will have some sort of problem at this point to see how you will handle it: "Will he be patient with me, or will be argue, pout, or be a jerk?" Be patient, don't resist her resistance, and go back to hand-holding. Move closer again later.
These steps will help build the real energy and intimacy between you, and open the gateway for more contact.
