Giving a Great Massage

by Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Men - do you want a great way to get her "ready and receptive"? Learn to give a great massage!

Touching her with strength and finesse says so many things about you - like you're going to spend some time on her - you're not going to just get in, get off and bolt. Not only will a great massage relax her, but it will help her get in the mood for more.

If you want to be the guy she has to see again - give a great massage.

Prepare the Area

You want to be in a private, quiet place when you give a sensual massage. Make sure that the phone is off the hook, and that you're not going to be bothered by the door, kids, animals, etc. Select some soothing music and turn off the lights except for lighting some candles - preferably scented. What, you don't have these at your place? This might be a good time to invest in a "Massage Kit".

You're also going to need a couple of sheets - one to cover your work area, (you don't want massage oil staining your couch!), and another to cover her. If she feels "exposed" or cold she isn't going to relax and let you, ah, work - yeah work! So, as you work, uncover only the area you want to massage. Then, cover it again to keep the area warm. As you massage the skin, blood flows into that area. This blood causes the area to redden and to warm. You don't want this to turn to chill, so be sure to cover your finished areas.

Finally, you should also have some water available. Many people feel thirsty after a massage. This is because working muscles causes all sorts of chemicals to be released into the body.

Massage Methods

You've probably heard of all types of massage techniques - Shiatsu, Swedish, Rolfing, etc., are all different types of massage with different goals. Don't worry about all of this. You don't need to focus on the type of massage - only the goal. Your goal should be to sooth and relax your er, victim!

In the next sections, we'll explore this in greater detail. When you give a massage keep in mind the following points:

1) Massage muscle - not skin, bone or organs

2) Work large muscle groups

3) Use firm, even pressure, not hard, deep pressure

4) Stay away from overly hard or overly soft areas of the body - unless she specifically asks

5) Always use a lubricant (see below)

6) Know when to quit

Now, let's explore each of these points:

Massage Muscle, Not Skin

Try this: rub your fingers gently over the skin of your arm. Now, press harder and move the skin without dragging your fingers across it. This is the difference between caressing and a massage. Remember that massages are for muscles below the skin - not for the skin itself.

You want a deep, penetrating effect - not something superficial. This is because the nerves in the skin tire very quickly. Further, many people are ticklish - not just on their feet, but all over their bodies! You want a massage to be relaxing and focused - not an irritant!

As well, you want to stay away from bones. By pressing hard on the skin just over a bone, you're going to cause pain - not pleasure (well, to some, pain IS pleasure - but that's another article!). Unless you know your human anatomy you're probably not going to know where your woman's bones are; so, before you begin rubbing an area, make sure that the tissue below the skin is soft. In fact, use the relatively softness to determine how hard to press.

For example, press your fingers into your relaxed stomach. This softness tells you that there are no bones below your fingers - only organs. You don't want to press into an area like this very hard. On the other hand, when you press your fingers into your thigh, you can feel how firm the tissue feels here. This is because of the underlying bone.

When you're massaging a woman's back, shoulders, legs or arms, look for this firmness as a good place to work.

Work on Large Muscle Groups

There are only a few of them in the body - mostly in the neck, back, shoulders and legs. By concentrating on the large muscle groups, not only is your massage more efficient - you are getting the largest source of body tension - but you're also preventing damage.

On either side of the spine are large muscle groups (called "Latissimus Dorsi" if you care to know). These are the long, strong muscles that keep you standing up - and are great places to work. Again, you have to be careful here, because just underneath these muscles are the ribs - and you know how ticklish some people are here!

Use Firm, Even Pressure

Pressure that is too light or inconsistent (light, heavy and light again), can be as uncomfortable as too much pressure. Be sure to use an even amount - not too hard, and not too light when giving a massage. In fact, it is better to start out somewhat lightly and ask if she wants more. Gently increase your strength until she indicates that it is enough.

Use a Lubricant

You should never try anything but the most minor of massages without lubricating the skin. For example, if you want to rub her shoulders that's one thing. If you're going to give a skin-to-skin massage, always use a lubricant. Lubes help to both prepare the skin and to protect it.

Don't use Vaseline or Wesson oil to massage her - you want the lubricant to be absorbed by the skin. You should also stay away from lubes that are absorbed too quickly like hand lotions. Why not pick up lightly scented massage oil - you'll definitely use it!

Just Follow the Numbers

Ok, so how do you progress? First, your lady should be undressed (oh - you dog you!) and lying on her stomach. Make sure her hair is out of the way of your "work area". Next, pick up the lubricant or oil you have selected and squeeze some onto your palm. Don't drip it directly on her skin - it may be cold. You can rub your hands together to warm both the oil and your skin. Even on a hot evening, try to make sure your hands are warmer than the air. This difference helps remind her to relax.

Next follow these steps:

1) Start with her shoulders

Grab the muscles mid-way between the curve of her shoulder and her neck with both hands (gently!). Knead these muscles and gently pull them toward you. This is a great place to start as most people carry a lot of tension here.

2) Work across her shoulders to her neck

Use your thumbs and the tips of your fingers to work from these muscles across and down her upper back. Be sure to watch that your nails don't dig into her skin!

3) Down her arms to her hands

With both hands cupped on the curve where her shoulders turn into her arms, gently lift her shoulders a few times to stretch the muscles in front. Work down each arm separately finding the muscle groups in the front and back and kneading them gently. When you get to her hands, use your thumbs to work her palms. Don't forget the other arm!

4) Mid-back

Now, return to her upper back and work downwards to her mid-back. This is another area many people store tension. Use your thumbs and fingertips to work from the center out and to push upward.

5) Lower-back

Continue to work down her back to her hips and just above her ass. Again, another tension-storage area!

6) Upper thighs

Working the muscles of her upper thighs is a great place to spend some time (if she'll allow this!) After you've worked the back of her legs and down her calves (next), you can have her turn over to work the fronts.

7) Calves

The calves are very strong muscles and get a workout every day. These are great places to spend some time kneading each one separately with both hands.

Remember, once you start the massage, her skin will absorb the oil or lotion you applied to your hands. So, continue to re-lube regularly. Also, humans are "bilateral" - that is we have a balance between the right and left. Don't neglect one side for the other - keep things balanced.

The Master's Massage

Ready to graduate? Learn to give a great foot massage!

When you're massaging someone's feet, you've got to be careful, as many women are ticklish here. If you drag your fingers over the feet lightly, she's liable to flinch - negating the work you've already done in getting her relaxed. When you work the feet remember that there are many areas - each with their own needs. So, start with the heel. Firmly grab her heel and push it up toward her leg, pull it down and work it side to side. The heel contains a number of very small, very strong muscles.

Next, work your thumbs on the under side (called the "plantar" side) of her foot (in general, or unless she asks, avoid the top of the feet). Again, use deep slow pressure with the tips of your thumbs - don't do it too gently or it's going to feel like you're tickling her. Work the balls of her feet and in between her toes. Also, pull on each toe for about 10 seconds - don't jerk, just give a smooth, strong tug.

In general the feet of even small women are very strong. They can take a much more intense massage than the rest of her, but be sure to watch her reactions. Further, ask her what she likes, and follow her directions!

The Ending - The Beginning

Once you've completed the massage, get a soft towel to wipe her body down. This is just to remove any remaining lotion or oil, and to let her know that the massage is over.

What's That - She's Drooling??

Actually, professional massage therapists use sleep or even drooling as a sign they've done their job well. Don't take it as an insult - just realize she's really into what you're doing!

Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com