Mastering Body Language
Women are experts at reading your body's unconscious signals. It is the closest thing to telepathic communication there is, and yet most of us guys are oblivious to it.
It is a tricky business because you have to not only focus on how you communicate these signals, but also interpret hers. This is one of the first things you need to work on. Trust me!
FILM YOURSELF
Just as you can improve your voice with a tape recorder, you can improve your Body Language with a video camera. If at all possible, try to get someone to film you at a social gathering.
It is painful to watch yourself in the beginning, especially if you are as awkward as I was, but this really helps you to pinpoint your weaknesses so you can improve on them. Highly recommended!
Here are some areas you should pay attention to.
POSTURE
I was once a huncher. Shoulders rolled over, head down, very submissive body language all around really. I used to approach girls and they would always seem creeped out by me. (Gee I wonder why.)
I didn't know how bad I was until one of my girl buddies pointed it out to me. She was a professional dancer, and as part of her training at dance school, she learned how to perfect her posture. Although I thought it was a ridiculous idea at first, she finally dragged me into a few classes so I could learn...
THE ALEXANDER TECHNIQUE
I could go on and on about how amazing this technique is, but I will just share a few highlights that helped me improve.
The Importance of Symmetry
Using your mind, imagine an invisible vertical line dividing your body in half. Try to create a sense that each half is a mirrored image of the other.
Aside from the ergonomic aspects of this, it has been scientifically proven that in nature, symmetry is an attractive quality. In other words, don't cross your legs when you sit, and don't shift all your weight to one leg when you stand. Be balanced.
Spinal Alignment
Think of your spine as a stack of coins. Each disc of your vertebrae should be balanced on top of the other, with your skull comfortable perched atop.
The key is to become aware of your posture, which alone takes practice. I printed the words "Sit up Straight" next to my computer as a reminder and it worked for me.
When you catch yourself slumping, imagine your head as a helium balloon pulling your spine straight. Try to keep your ribs and hips aligned with each other as much as possible. When you bend over, bend at the waist and slightly bend your knees, instead of curving your spine. It takes practice but basically it is a balance of keeping yourself upright without looking like a stiff jackass.
You find your alignment and at the same time relax into it. To really get a feel of how your spine is supposed to be aligned, lay on the floor on your back and bend your knees, so your feet are planted on the floor. Take a few deep breaths.
Trapezius Balance
The trapezius is one of the most abused muscles in the body. The problem is that we either hunch over too much or overdo the opposite extreme by sticking our chests out.
To find the ideal middle-ground, imagine a force pulling your shoulder blades apart and widening your back, this not only helps to release the tension stored in the midsection of this muscle, but also increases your perceived width and presence.
I have had people ask me if I have been hitting the gym ever since I adopted this posture!
The upper section of the trapezius also suffers a lot of tension. This is the muscle that stretches from your shoulders to your neck. This tension can be alleviated by becoming aware of your collar bones. They should always form a straight line, parallel to the ground. In other words, don't scrunch them up so that they for a "v" and don't push them down so the form an "A".
As you can see, it is very difficult to explain this technique with words. But the effect of it is amazing. Not only do you appear more confident, but adopting this posture actually makes you FEEL more on point. The classes, though expensive, are well worth taking... or you could try dating some professional dancers.
For more info on this, check out www.alexandertechnique.com
Improving your posture is definitely worth your while, but will only get you so far. I mean you are not going to sit/stand still as a gargoyle all night are ya? Sooner or later you are going to have to show some... MOVEMENT.
