posted 02-07-2002 09:26 PM            

Fear is so prevalent in our lives that we don't even recognize that it's there most of the time. I'm not talking about the kind of fear you have when you're running from a wild animal chasing you. That's acute fear.

What I mean is the thing we sometimes call nervousness, or anxiety. But like I said, we don't always know it's there, so we don't really have a name for it. It's a constant presence in some people's lives.

When you put off doing something, that's fear. You would rather go see a movie than mow the lawn. So the grass grows and grows, until it's a foot high. Because you were afraid to do something uncomfortable.

Do you smoke? That's fear. It's a crutch, something that takes your attention from the responsibilities in your life.

Is your house messy? This is similar to letting the grass grow. Do you always have your TV or radio on when you're home alone? Fear of being alone with your thoughts. You're fooling yourself into thinking you have company, and you're not so lonely.

Do you shop too much? Drink too much? Eat too much? Gamble too much? Crutch, crutch, crutch, crutch. Fear, fear, fear, fear. Some people couldn't be more obvious if they wore a sign that said, "I am afraid of life."

You want to get laid so bad, why don't you approach every hot-looking girl you see?

Let's all just liberate ourselves a little, and admit to each other (or at least to ourselves) that sometimes in our lives we are afraid. It's okay. There are so many uncertainties in life that a little fear is necessary to protect ourselves. It keeps us sharp.

If fear, on the other hand, keeps you from really enjoying life to the fullest, then it's gone too far.

Here's a big area of my life where fear has held me back. I want to save money and invest it, because I know that having a lot of money in the future will bring happiness. But whenever I get a decent-size wad of cash in my bank account, I buy something I really didn't need that bad. Why? Because I have a limiting mind-set that tells me that the new CD player will ease my unhappiness in other unrelated ares of my life. It does, for maybe five minutes. I'm afraid to do what it takes to be happy in the long run, because without the quick fix, I'll have to live with some pain in the short term. Sound familiar to any of you smokers, overeaters, drinkers, gamblers, crackheads, etc?

What if you had no fear? Just imagine. Whenever you had a thought to do something, you would do it. You wouldn't hesitate, and you would commit to reaching the goal. You would cut the lawn, and you would go to the movie afterwards, if something more important didn't come up in the meantime. Notice I said important, which doesn't necessarily mean fun. But you wouldn't care. Courage gives you priorities, and the strength to live up to them.

You would stop smoking, you would stop eating too much, you would stop buying things, trying to fill that empty void in your life that can only really be filled by getting some balls.

You could approach any woman you wanted to, and you wouldn't care what she said to you.

Damn, I'm so tired of being afraid. I know you are, too. We all have some fear, so please, no responses about how you're not afraid of anything. I only say all this because I think this forum exists mainly to give advice that helps alleviate fears. If we can quickly learn things like kino, eye contact, and acting confident, then that saves us some of the pain of rejection we would feel going through the trial and error process, testing this stuff out on our own.

I don't have the solution as to how you can get over your fears, but I do know you have to face them. You can lie to others, but don't lie to yourself. I know from conquering some of my own fears, that once you start doing it, you will feel empowered. And you will see just how messed up the rest of the world is.

I hope everybody gets something out of this, because I only wrote it with the best of intentions.

posted 02-08-2002 08:44 AM            

Running From What You Fear Is More Painful Than Facing It.

007

posted 02-12-2002 01:16 PM            

Great post. Very true!

What does FEAR stand for?

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real.

Once you realized how false things appear to be, you become empowered to take action. 99.9% of the time, our fears don't happen. I can think of the countless times when I worried that something was going to turn out the wrong way, only to be proven wrong. All that undue stress, for what? FEAR

------------------
"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

posted 05-06-2002 01:33 PM            

At one point in my life, I had everything taken away from me. I mean EVERYTHING. For a long time. Then, a few years ago I began to rebuild my life, like some alien that crash-landed on Earth, and was expected to function like everybody else.

After I lost everything, I began to do great things, the things I had always wanted to do with my life. I had realized that there was nothing else that could be done to me. I had no fear of any repercussions from my actions that could be worse than what I had already been through.

The last few years have been a little more "normal", and the fear that I had lost had begun creeping back again. When you build a life for yourself, you have things to lose. You don't want to risk losing them, so you play it safe. That's what I began doing. But lately I've been getting rid of possessions, things I don't need, but had convinced myself I did. These are some of the "crutches" in my life. I had acquired them because I was overcompensating for the times I had nothing.

Now I'm getting back on track. I'm not afraid to empty out my life a little, to give the important things some wiggle room. It's very gradual, but as I overcome this fear of being naked and defenseless, the hunger for life is returning.

I may never involuntarily lose everything again like I did before, but I can easily remember how it freed me in some ways. I had nothing left to lose, therefore, nothing to fear.

This is how your possessions possess you. They lure you into a false sense of security. But is security what you really want? Think of the hours, days, weeks, months, you've spent watching TV, or idly listing to music, or in front of this computer, or just using things you've accumulated that bring you no real happiness. I bet there's a lot of time that you wish you could get back.

What if you pledged to dedicate an equal amount of future time to the things that are really important to you? For me, it's art. Now I spend more time drawing and painting, and the VCR gets a much-needed rest.

That rope you're slowly making a noose out of... burn it. Life is worth living if you're doing these things. Take some time to prioritize, think about the things you really don't need in your life. Then, somehow find the courage to say goodbye to them forever. Before long, you really won't want them, and you'll hardly remember they ever existed. You'll be in the less-than 1% of humans who are actually fulfilled.

posted 05-06-2002 03:12 PM            

I CAN'T HANDLE IT ( BEING REJECTED)

thats it?

the truth is:
at the bottom of every one of ur fears is simply the fear that you can't handle whatever life may bring you..!

IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD HANDLE ANYTHING THAT COME YOUR WAY..... WHAT WOULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO FEAR???????

the answer is ....NOTHING

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO DIMINISH YOUR FEAR IS TO DEVELOP MORE TRUST IN YOUR ABILITY TO HANDLE WHATEVER COMES UR WAY!

for the record... for now on.. start talking to yourself.. saying things like this.

" WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME, GIVEN ANY SITUATION, I CAN HANDLE IT!"

just remember

- the fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow
- the only way to get rid of fear of doing something is to go out and do it
-the only way to feel better about yourself is to go out.... and do it
- you are not alone.. everybody has fears