posted 02-06-2002 06:38 AM               

1 - The POINT Of The LTR?
An LTR is a relationship between a guy and a girl that is based around strong mutual attraction on the physical, mental, and possibly even spiritual levels. It involves the concept of "love" and the desire to be with someone you care very highly about for a long time - possibly for the whole of your lives. It is NOT something to jump into lightly, but it can have very rewarding aspects to it and (if you choose your partner wisely) will lead you to a level of contentment unlike you have ever experienced before.

2 - The Principles change in an LTR.
The first thing you have to realise about an LTR is that the rules have changed slightly. A successful LTR involves far much more than portraying an aura of confidence and being a challenge.

The thing that makes an LTR what it is, is the fact that it is LONG TERM. You are thinking about spending an amount of time with a woman that can be measured in years and possibly even decades (gulp). Think about this for a minute here - do you really expect to last in a relationship for several years (at least) with a woman who's only positive aspects include being attractive and good in bed? That might have worked in the short-term for you, but that just isn't LTR material. If you think otherwise, then an LTR is not in your best interests.

The DJ principles that normally apply to women still stand in the LTR. However, things are going to be different. This is because the MAIN factor involved in successful LTR's is compatible personalities between you and the woman you're after. That's right - the two of you have to be able to stand eachother enough to WANT to be together happily for a long time.

Another big factor is trust. You need to be able to trust eachother. That's not to say you should have to depend upon one-another for everything all the time, but if you can't trust the girl in your LTR then you should really consider terminating that relationship - for your own best interests.

3 - What DJ Principles Change?
Obviously, confidence will always be a booster in any sort of relationship. A confident man is always an attractive man. Sure, you may be able to occasionally get away with not being confident in yourself from time to time in an LTR, but it will still work against you if you make the same mistakes.

quote:

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It is only human to make a mistake. Only an idiot makes the same mistake TWICE.

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Being a challenge and being mysterious, however, can be known to work against you in an LTR. One of the foundations of an LTR is TRUST between partners, and if your woman doesn't know much about you or where you are half the time - then she is going to have doubts if she can trust you. An LTR is a full-time commitment, and it simply does not work if you try to sign up for a part-time position. Now, that's not to say you need to tell her EVERY single detail about you - but the important things about you are going to need to come out into the light if you want to have this thing called "trust" in your LTR.

4 - Your LTR Candidates
When selecting a woman for an LTR you should keep one thing in mind - BE PICKY!!! Settle for nothing less than the best. Always stick to what YOU want in a woman. Your DJ skills should be developed enough to enable you to go out and find what you're after without too many problems, otherwise you should stick to STR's before making the "big leap" into LTR-ville.

I would reccommed that you read this post concerning LTR's and choosing the siutable woman:
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000448.html

This is Krynnster's post about LTR's and choosing the "right" woman for one (which is the 2nd post in the DJ BIBLE - so you know it's good!) Just remember - never drop your standards or you will not have as great an LTR as your DJ Skills could allow.

5 - The Test Of Time
As time changes, so do people. This is simply a warning that - since an LTR deals with relations with a woman for a long long time you can rightly expect for her (and indeed your own) opinions, goals in life, career choices, family goals, and beliefs to change as time progresses. Now, just because you are in an LTR with this woman is no iron-clad contract for you to have to stay with her if you are no longer attracted to her. This is a common AFC mistake where the guy will stay with his woman because of how he FELT for her once upon a time, and not how he feels for her NOW. Do not spend your time being miserable with a woman you today find to be less-than-great, for you are a Don Juan and NOT an AFC.

If things turn sour over time, by all means - BAIL OUT AND START ANEW.

6 - Marriage And The LTR
It is another common AFC belief that if you spend long enough with a woman - you should get married. This is not the case for the Don Juan. If he does not see the point of marriage, then he need not pursue it. If you have doubts about the LTR you are in, then marriage is right OUT of the question for the current time. It may be bad to lose an LTR, but losing a marriage is the worse of the two (and more costly!!).

However, if you and your girl have spent long enough together and are still madly in love and both WANT to be married - then go for it! Just don't enter these things lightly, or for the wrong reasons.

7 - Conclusions
There is nothing anti-DJ about an LTR. You will still need to keep the attraction alive between you and her, just for a longer time. For that reason, it is right to say that the Long-term Relationship is the final stage in a Don Juan's development.

For a wise man once said that "The greater man is not the man who can seduce a million women in his lifetime, but the man who can hold onto ONE forever."

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The Human Body Is A Fragile Thing, But The Human Soul Can NEVER Be Truly Broken.

posted 02-06-2002 11:40 AM               

Very good post. There are not many LTR tips here. Two quick comments on something you said.

1) You Said: "Being a challenge and being mysterious, however, can be known to work against you in an LTR."

I say: "As the relationship matures, being a challenge and being mysterious is lighten up but not eliminated. You don't want to become a "yes man" with everything she asks. When you disagree, make sure you do in a respectful way. You are still being a challenge. You are not yielding to everyone of her whims. If you do, she will lose respect for you. As for being mysterious, in the begining of the relationship, it is a must. As time moves on you tell her more about yourself as she asks you questions. The key for me is to qualify her and not the other way around. If she has any interest in me, she will ask questions. I wouldn't lie or avoid answering."

2)You say: "5 - The Test Of Time
As time changes, so do people. This is simply a warning that - since an LTR deals with relations with a woman for a long long time you can rightly expect for her (and indeed your own) opinions, goals in life, career choices, family goals, and beliefs to change as time progresses. Now, just because you are in an LTR with this woman is no iron-clad contract for you to have to stay with her if you are no longer attracted to her. This is a common AFC mistake where the guy will stay with his woman because of how he FELT for her once upon a time, and not how he feels for her NOW. Do not spend your time being miserable with a woman you today find to be less-than-great, for you are a Don Juan and NOT an AFC.

If things turn sour over time, by all means -BAIL OUT AND START ANEW."

I say: "I agree. But by the same token, many of the warning signs were there early on, yet we ignored them. How many times after a break up, have we realized that her behavior was always there but we didn't listen to our gut. Or she said things that made you do a double take yet stayed in there thinking that nothing what she said was wrong. Always be alert for warning signs of conflicts of interest in her part early on."

Take Care,

Legend

posted 02-06-2002 04:51 PM               

I would also like to add that, while there are indeed early-warning signs like you have said, the fact remains that there is not a whole lot you can do about it when your woman's views and outlooks on life (etc.) are changing. While it is true that you can still make every effort to remain attractive to her (and even succeed at this) it is also true that there are some things that no amount of attraction will prevent.

Take the point of "career decisions" as an example. You may note that many LTR's have ended because the woman has found the "job of her dreams" which might be a large distance away, and therefore impossible to maintain a long-distance LTR, or not to the guys taste (stripping, escort, etc.)

That's just something to be aware of. Ofcourse, if you do notice the signs early on - then you will have a better chance of coming out of the problem favourably.

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The Human Body Is A Fragile Thing, But The Human Soul Can NEVER Be Truly Broken.

posted 02-07-2002 10:07 AM               

Very good points that you added that are very true.

Take Care,

posted 04-04-2002 12:18 PM            

The second one I ended because I realized a few things.

1. I'm 20, do I want to spend the rest of my life having sex with the same person? I know that sounds shallow, but the answer is NO!

2. I'm very observant. You know what I noticed? I don't many people who are with the person they were with at my age. If they are by chance still together, they are bitter. There may be an exception, but I have not seen it.