posted 11-23-2001 06:04 AM            

I know this is long, but all you AFC�s should print it out and read it, TWICE.

Ok, listen up. If you�re not happy with WHO YOU ARE at the moment. If you don�t thinking meeting ONE GIRL every THREE MONTHS is very impressive.

If you want to be able to chat to that girl in the MOVIE LINE, ask the cashier out on a DATE or chat up the girl at the CLUB but you feel all of these things �just aren�t you�, then YOU NEED TO CHANGE. Let me teach you what I�ve learnt this year.

I�m not going to pretend doing any of the above things come easy to me. They don�t. Not ALL of them. Not YET.

But talking to women, flirting with women, going to night clubs and actually having GIRLS INTERESTED IN ME �wasn�t quite me� a year ago.

In high school I was a nerd, the girls thought I was a walk-over. I was extremely quiet, I got bullied, I didn�t stand up for myself. I got nervous just trying to say �Hi� to a girl, I didn�t really talk to anyone. I played Quake till midnight most weekends and had never been drunk, gone to a club or done anything most �normal� high school students do.

What changed? My attitude. I started University this year, and I really WANTED to change. I started forcing myself into situations which would normally make me uncomfortable (talking to girls, participating in class discussions, etc) until they became a habit.

I�ve changed a lot, in only a year. I don�t have a girlfriend to show for it. But I�ve met more girls than I�ve ever met in my WHOLE LIFE and spoken to them all A LOT. I�ve learned a lot about girls I didn�t know before. Admittedly being in a place where there are girls EVERY WHERE makes practice a whole lot easier, but I still had to challenge my fears.

I met a great girl at the end of the year, I approached her, flirted with her AND conversed with her. All these things I would have never thought possible a year ago. I know she liked me, unfortunately it was badly timed � just before exams, a few weeks before end of year, and she is currently with someone, seeing as she�s a decent chick she�s not about to dump her BF for someone she�s just met.

She�s the best girl I met the whole year. She could be the girl that Bob gets told about in my last post (Wake up you AFC part I).

I wish I were Bob, 8 months ago. I would have done a lot of things differently, I would have taken a lot more chances coming up to the day I met her, and I would have made sure I was the �ideal catch� by the time I met her. Also, I would have JUMPED on any opportunity to meet her sooner (rather than assume I�ve got all the time in the world.) But maybe it wasn�t her, maybe there�s another lady a month from now?

What if I told you that you ARE BOB, even if you�ve just broken up with your girlfriend, or just got rejected by your latest love interest?

I believe that at ANY time in our lives, we ARE BOB, but no one can tell us about the girl we�re going to meet in 8/9/however many months. Even though I lost out on the girl I spoke about, I�m still in Bob�s position and I AM going to meet another WONDERFUL girl in the FUTURE. I don�t know when. But I want to BE READY when that girl comes around.

You probably feel that you want to IMPROVE yourself, that you want to date beautiful women, and be more confident. In order to do this, you have to stop thinking about what you WANT in the SHORT-TERM and starting FOCUSING on what you WANT in the LONG-TERM.

Work hard in the SHORT-TERM, to get what you WANT in the LONG-TERM. (Pump iron now, for the BIG MUSCLES later on).

Stop thinking about what you want NOW (that HOTTIE sitting over at the bar) and start THINKING about WHAT YOU WANT IN THE FUTURE (the girl you�re GOING to meet at the bar when you�re a STUD in 8 months time).

You have to study hard every day (short-term) even if you don�t enjoy it, so you can achieve your long-term goal of passing the EXAM and eventually getting a great CAREER.

So, don�t worry about getting a girl friend RIGHT NOW (everyone here has said that a THOUSAND times), work on improving yourself so that you can have a girlfriend in the FUTURE.

I want you to do this for me (I�m going to do it for myself): See every girl you meet (until you finally hit the BULLS-EYE) as PRACTICE.

Stop worrying about every girl you meet, what she thinks of you, etc. Just focus on improving yourself NOW so that you�re what you (and your future girlfriend) want you to be.

Chat to girls any opportunity you have, let go of any expectations you might have. Just talk and be friendly, you don�t even have to go for their numbers until you get used to speaking to them. Go through the HARD WORK of being REJECTED, feeling awkward while chatting to a HOTTIE (like you did when you were LEARNING to drive) feeling NERVOUS for your DATE, etc. Do it all now, and you won�t regret it.

Don�t EXPECT anything, just tell yourself: �I�m going to approach that gorgeous girl over there, I don�t care what happens, it�ll just make it easier when I meet the next one�.

You�ll gain so much confidence, and the rest (sense of humour, etc) will follow. You will eventually meet a girl who will LIKE you for who you have BECOME. You will be REAL, you won�t need to pretend, because you have LEARNT to be CONFIDENT and CHARMING, through PRACTICE.

Why don�t you try going out (not dating, I mean as in a relationship) with the FIRST girl you meet, you ask? What would be the point, you wanted to change, you�re not going to change much after meeting one girl. If you break up with her, you�ll not know how to meet girls, you didn�t practice enough.

The point is, if I met that HOT girl at university at the BEGINNING of the year, she would not have liked me. Period. Why? Because at the beginning of the year I was still shy, and didn�t have the qualities (which I�d developed) that I do now. She liked the NOW-me, not the OLD-me.

If you�re going after girls that expect qualities you don�t have (confidence, etc) then you�re going to have to DEVELOP those qualities through PRACTICE, so that one day you�ll have what it takes to get what you WANT.

The girls you�re going to chat up NOW might not be too impressed with you when you start PRACTICING. Because you haven�t yet got the qualities they�re looking for. That�s why their practice, that�s why you shouldn�t care.

It�s not them you want - it�s the girl 8 months from now, that�s just like them, that�s who you want! There are hundreds of girls out there suited to you! You can afford to throw a few away until you can finally keep one!

REMEMBER: WORK HARD in the SHORT-TERM to achieve your LONG-TERM goal of SUCCESS in ANY facet of your LIFE.

posted 11-23-2001 12:02 PM            

This is really a kick-@ss post.

Two thumbs for JuanWannabe.

posted 11-23-2001 09:27 PM            

That's what I've been trying to tell some people for months. aboput 4 1/2 months ago I set a goal for myself to change every aspect of my life that relates to getting women. My goal was this:

In 2 years, I wanted to have totally re-invented myself into a smooth, attractive, desirable man, the kind that women fight over becuase they are so rare.

I'm 4 1/2 months into it and man... the difference is incredible. I went from total loser to average to where I am now which is somewhat above average but not yet to the level I'm trying for.

Here's what I've done:

1) the easiest thing. I totally redid my wordrobe and started paying attention to my grooming. I never go out in clothes that don't look new, go well together and look good on me. I don't go out with fukked up hair or dirty teeth, nails, face unshaven, or pits smelling. I use attactive cologne.

2) I committed that in 2 years I was going to be in way better shape than I was at the start and did something about it. I didnt go on a fad diet or try to kill my self excercizing. I started for a few weeks with a light workout 2-4 times a week and changing my diet in small ways like eating a salad every now and then instead of grabbing a burger. Wow, now I'm more toned than I've been since I was in the army and I've lost like 40 pounds of fat. Imagine that.

3) I determined to get in as much practice with every aspect of meeting and seducing women as I can in those 2 years. I got to the point where getting a number when I chat a girl up is pretty much the expected result. It doesn't always happen but usually. Working on my conversation and daqting skills has helped too. A lot of times I talk to girls or women I don't even like just for practice sake. And all of that is gonna just get better with practice.

4) Decide that you are now entering the time of your life when you are going to be the most valuable to a woman. You are going to be one of the smoothest, best dresssed and groomed, most fit men shes ever met. There are thousands of pretty girls out there that can give you the same thing she can but YOU, you are a rare find and expect her to treat you as such. Men who have charisma and know how to be smooth are attractive into their mid fifties and even beyond. Women, well, they go into their golden age in their early 20s and its gonna last till about mid 40s if they are lucky!

so 4 1/2 months, I've gone from chump, to better than average. I can't wait till 2 years goes by. that thought is what had me in the Judo club yesterday and today busting my ass doing circuit training while everyone else was enjoying the holiday. I'm seeing the results, and I'm happy as hell. but... I'd still be where I was 4 1/2 months ago if I hadn't started. Now I'm 4 1/2 months closer to my goal instead of still moping around the starting line.

posted 11-24-2001 01:35 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by BigBill:

That's what I've been trying to tell some people for months. aboput 4 1/2 months ago I set a goal for myself to change every aspect of my life that relates to getting women. My goal was this:

In 2 years, I wanted to have totally re-invented myself into a smooth, attractive, desirable man, the kind that women fight over becuase they are so rare.

I'm 4 1/2 months into it and man... the difference is incredible. I went from total loser to average to where I am now which is somewhat above average but not yet to the level I'm trying for.

---

Great advice Bill! That's a good idea, the "two year plan". I flirted and chatted up a girl I wasn't really interested in last night, I even got he number and I'm going to set up my first "offical date" in my life. Just for the practice. It feels great.

I've already had a year to change drastically, but I want to change so that I'm happy withh myself in three months. University starts in three months, and the studying didn't go great because I was trying to mack on the ladies all year .

I want to concentrate on studying next year, and have a life that naturally incorporates meeting women, dating, workining out and STUDYING.

Thanks, good luck to you as well! Sounds like you're making great progress!

posted 11-24-2001 02:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by JuanWannabe:
You probably feel that you want to IMPROVE yourself, that you want to date beautiful women, and be more confident. In order to do this, you have to stop thinking about what you WANT in the SHORT-TERM and starting FOCUSING on what you WANT in the LONG-TERM.

Work hard in the SHORT-TERM, to get what you WANT in the LONG-TERM. (Pump iron now, for the BIG MUSCLES later on).

Stop thinking about what you want NOW (that HOTTIE sitting over at the bar) and start THINKING about WHAT YOU WANT IN THE FUTURE (the girl you�re GOING to meet at the bar when you�re a STUD in 8 months time).

You have to study hard every day (short-term) even if you don�t enjoy it, so you can achieve your long-term goal of passing the EXAM and eventually getting a great CAREER.

So, don�t worry about getting a girl friend RIGHT NOW (everyone here has said that a THOUSAND times), work on improving yourself so that you can have a girlfriend in the FUTURE.

---

8 months time? I wish. I've been trying for five years, coming to this site for about two, trying to absorb all of the information and I've yet to see results from my efforts. If anything, I've gotten more comfortable talking to girls and making conversation in general. But has it made a difference in my personal life? The furthest I've ever gotten is getting her phone number, and from experience I've learned that it doesn't necessarily mean she's interested. I've been stuck at this stage for longer than I care to admit, and thinking long term doesn't really work for me anymore. I've come to the point where I want to start seeing results. I'm not getting any younger; I would like my see my first date while I'm still in my twenties.

JuanWannabe, I'm not knocking your advice at all. I'm sure it's effective for most people. I'm just pointing out that there are still guys like me who have gone past the point of believing that their efforts will one day pay off. We're ready for something to finally happen, but losing faith that it ever will. What are we supposed to do in this situation?

posted 11-24-2001 05:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by krd:
8 months time? I wish. I've been trying for five years, coming to this site for about two, trying to absorb all of the information and I've yet to see results from my efforts. If anything, I've gotten more comfortable talking to girls and making conversation in general. But has it made a difference in my personal life? The furthest I've ever gotten is getting her phone number, and from experience I've learned that it doesn't necessarily mean she's interested. I've been stuck at this stage for longer than I care to admit, and thinking long term doesn't really work for me anymore. I've come to the point where I want to start seeing results. I'm not getting any younger; I would like my see my first date while I'm still in my twenties.

JuanWannabe, I'm not knocking your advice at all. I'm sure it's effective for most people. I'm just pointing out that there are still guys like me who have gone past the point of believing that their efforts will one day pay off. We're ready for something to finally happen, but losing faith that it ever will. What are we supposed to do in this situation?

---

You've never been on a date?
Then there is something seriously wrong with what you're doing.
I think you need to make a start by setting your your sights low and build up from there.

You must know at least one woman well enough to ask her out for dinner. Just go out and talk. The whole thing doesn't have to lead anywhere. Don't feel its right to ask someone out you have no romantic intentions for? Hello....women go on dates all the time for various reasons, sometimes just because they've got nothing better to do....so don't feel guilty about giving some of their own back.

Doesn't matter if shes fat, old, ugly whatever just do it for practice. You need to get comfortable with what being on a date is like so that when you do meet this wonderful woman that JuanWannabe describes, you'll have some of the skills in place to win her with your charm and style.

posted 11-24-2001 11:11 PM            

Have you put in any work? I mean, in 5 years if you work out like 3-4 times a week for 30 min to 1 hrs, you ought to have a body to die for.

How about the way you dress and groom? If you dress well and are well groomed girls eat that **** up even if you are ugly.

What about your career? How far has it gone in 5 years? What are you presently doing to insure it goes farther?

No. I'm sorry, but I do not believe that you could honestly say you've worked on all important areas of your life for 5 years and still can't get dates.

I know a lot of peole on this site who read every article but still never really commit to doing what it will take for them to succeed. No one said it would be easy. But If you REALLY REALLY want this part of your life to work...

Then post in great detail what you are currently doing, and let some of us take a crack at helping you come up with ideas to get things going in a positive direction.

That or just email one of the DJs who's advice you trust and ask them to help you.

And dude, you CAN get this stuff to work for you. I know you can. No one is as hopeless as you seem to believe you are.

Later.

posted 11-25-2001 02:41 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr_Feelgood:
Fantastic Post Guys! Definitely one for the DJ Bible. Big Bill, you could do a great post alone on your 2 year plan. It's something I wish I would have read when I first came to this site. It helps a lot of people to have a goal, a timeline, and a systematic way of approaching it. Great advice!

---

Where can I read Big Bill's original post on his two year plan?

Thanks
JW

posted 11-25-2001 04:06 AM            

about that since for the last few days I've been toying with the idea of writing a newbie guide for this site.

It's something we need here and something I plan to put a good deal of time and effort into. I'm going to start a thread now asking for ideas of things people think should be included.

What it will be is a no-nonsense startup guide on what to do and in what order to go from total chump to being somewhat clued in a very short time.

With all the new people around, and all the wacked out questions they ask I think it's high time for something like this.

Anyway I don't know if Allen will want to use it as an official guide but I'm gonna write it anyhow.

posted 11-25-2001 04:45 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by BigBill:
Ok so you've read and absorbed.

Have you put in any work? I mean, in 5 years if you work out like 3-4 times a week for 30 min to 1 hrs, you ought to have a body to die for.

How about the way you dress and groom? If you dress well and are well groomed girls eat that **** up even if you are ugly.

What about your career? How far has it gone in 5 years? What are you presently doing to insure it goes farther?

No. I'm sorry, but I do not believe that you could honestly say you've worked on all important areas of your life for 5 years and still can't get dates.

I know a lot of peole on this site who read every article but still never really commit to doing what it will take for them to succeed. No one said it would be easy. But If you REALLY REALLY want this part of your life to work...

Then post in great detail what you are currently doing, and let some of us take a crack at helping you come up with ideas to get things going in a positive direction.

That or just email one of the DJs who's advice you trust and ask them to help you.

And dude, you CAN get this stuff to work for you. I know you can. No one is as hopeless as you seem to believe you are.

Later.

---

OK, here goes. Well regarding my wardrobe, I actually came here for advice a little while back (See my post "Fashion Tips?"). Since that time, I got myself a bunch of new shirts, pants, shoes, a snazzy sportcoat, and recently a long black coat for winter that I must say looks darn good on me! Wearing jeans, sweatshirts, T-shirts and sneakers is now a thing of the past, (except on weekends, when I hardly ever go anywhere).

As far as my career goes, at the moment I'm unemployed, but I am attending college. I recently transfered from a community college to a university, which has generally been a pleasant experience. I've joined a few organizations on campus, and I hang around there as much as I can on weekdays. I am struggling a bit with my grades, and had to withdraw from a few classes this semester, but I'm definitely going to keep hanging in there.

I used to have a job at the supermarket. My objective in getting the job was to meet people, but the place was often so busy, that I rarely got a chance to talk to anyone. That and the fact that I hated the job was why I quit after about a year. But, I still have all the money saved in my bank account.

As I've mentioned before, I am quite skinny for my height. At the advice of some of the DJ's on this forum, I am considering joining a gym and perhaps establishing a workout routine, hopefully with assistance from a trainer. I don't have any definite plans for this yet, but I will certainly be looking into it further.

posted 11-25-2001 07:04 PM            

fat and being too skinny, I'd say its easier to look fit being too skinny. But seriously man you prolly have some good facilities you can use for free at the University. Definitely start right away. I'd say peruse the health and fitness forum and pick a plan from there that you think would work or find one somewhere else. you can always change it later if you think its not working or something.

Every DJ that works out will tell you it does wonders for your confidence and the chicks respond to it. Sounds like you are moving n the right direction too. maybe you are being a little hard on yourself. You know things will start really coming together for you a few years AFTER you get out of college and start doing well in your career.

Still college is a great place to start practicing your skills since you meet sooo many women.

posted 07-22-2002 03:51 PM            

_____________________

You know, doing what is right is easy. The problem is knowing what is right.