posted 11-19-2001 01:00 AM            

a chance to go to our new chatroom and talk for a while with one of our younger DJs.

We were the only ones on and he asked me for some advice about a girl from his high school.

As he explained the situation I started to feel a little sad for him. You see he was going on and on about every little thing this girl had done and said over the last couple of months.

Well, until not too many months ago I used to do that sort of thing myself. I know the feeling of obsessing about what a girl is trying to tell you:

Is she just being nice? Does she REALLY like me and I'm missing some sort of sign that's obvious to everyone else? Should I ask her out? Should I back off for a while and see if she pursues me? What should I do?

There is a post going around tips right now that reminds me of this sad state of mind. In it, a DJ is trying to be helpful telling us to pay close attention to a woman's actions for clues to what we are or aren't doing wrong. It's as if the woman is some sort of superior being whose needs and desires we ought to be trying to figure out and satisfy before she even asks.

It is our task to go around saying 'Hmmm... what does her highness want today? Is she happy, or not. If not why not. Is it something I did? Is it something I didn't do? What if shes trying to tell me something I'm doing that is pissing her off and I'm just not geting it. OMG, what if she's getting ready to LEAVE me and I'm so dense I can't even see there is a problem?

Of course this is a one-way deal. If we want something WE have to ASK her for it. No going around wondering what her man might be thinking or feeling. No. If he has a problem with something he better just spit it out. And then the woman can either CHOOSE to try and do something to help the situation, OR she can just try to make him feel guilty for daring to suggest that something she is doing may be less-than-perfect.

This guy I was chatting with was already doing this with a girl... and they weren't even going out together. already he felt the need for clarification of her intentions, he felt romantic desire for her, he felt like knowing what she was thinking...

But those needs, reasonable though they are, he is allowing to go totally unmet. Why? Because he thinks that if he trys to kiss this girl, or tells her he wants to get with her, it might make her think she was doing something to lead him on when she wasn't, or make her uncomfortable. Her ANTICIPATED needs and desires, over-rule his real ones.

Sad. Very sad.

The girl had been really flirting hardcore with this guy. She already has a boyfriend, but that isn't stopping her I guess. He wanted my advice on how to handle her. I told him you have to make a move on her. next time she is getting touchy with you, kiss her on the lips. If she doesn't let you, then you say 'What's the problem? You've been all over me like white on rice for months now. I think you owe me an explaination.'

If she says anything other than 'ok, you're right, I was just surprised that's all' and lets you have that kiss, then you totally cut her off. No more of your attention goes her way. Period. Make sure when she is around that you are polite with her but distant, and always pay mor attention to the other girls around.

He sat there a minute then said:

'Dude. You have just told me exactly the right thing to do. and I know I'm not going to do it.'

I told him not to worry about it. and that really is my advice. Especially if its some girl giving you mixed signals. Just make your move. you will know instantly whether she was really interested or just bull****ting. then you don't have to wonder anymore.

You owe it to yourself guys. don't obsess over what some chick wants. If shes mad tell her that you don't know what she's mad about but you think she ought to go home, cool down, and call you later to talk it over. but be firm that you are not going to let her 'punish' you by staying around you acting *****y cause she's in a snit.

what if she leaves? big deal. Plenty more good ass where she came from. This is not being a jerk either. this is just being a strong, confident, honest man. It's also expecting to be dealt with in an honest way by any chick that you are considering allowing into your life in a major way.

Ok, I'm done preaching now. like Dr. Laura says: 'Now go do the RIGHT thing!'

posted 11-19-2001 10:35 AM            

I had a conversation last night with one of the girls I'm dating and the topic of a person's personality changing over the years came up.

I said, "Yeah, you wouldn't recognize me from five years ago."

"How so?" She asked.

"Well, I used to call a girl I was dating every day. I used to bring flowers on the first date. I always took the blame for arguments just to smooth things over. Today, I basically don't give a $hit."

"Really?"

"REALLY."

"I find that incredibly attractive." She said.

An ear-popping blowj0b followed soon afterward. (She's having her period)

Guys, this stuff works!

posted 11-19-2001 11:15 AM            

I have also been blown away at how well this not giving a damn works. I mean, I'm used to caring a lot about what I do and trying to excel at things.

But damn if that sort of thinking applied to a relationship doesn't just flat not work. Now I just present myself in a good way, act confident and like 'Yeah babe, gimme your number and we'll go out sometime.' Said in a way like If you do, great, if you don't even better, got other things lined up.

These guys will get it figured out one day. i think a lot of them are just going from never getting a second look from a woman to suddenly having some girls starting to flirt with them.

when that happens sure, you don't want to risk the newfound attention you are getting by pushing the issue. Very understandable.

posted 11-19-2001 12:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by BigBill:
Now I just present myself in a good way, act confident and like 'Yeah babe, gimme your number and we'll go out sometime.' Said in a way like If you do, great, if you don't even better, got other things lined up.

---

posted 11-20-2001 09:02 PM            

Gipper, I totally relate to your story. A few weeks ago, I was saying something similar to a friend. A few hotties were within hearing distance. I didn't care if they heard me or not. They did. One of them hasn't stopped checking me out and trying to flirt with me since. A few days ago I was giving a friend a rather loud speech about not putting up with his new girl's BS. I told him loudly that if she acts like a biatch, to make her walk home, or to qoute her taxi fares 'cause she's gonna need one. I said some other funny things related to this. Again, I didn't care if anyone heard me, or percieved me as a jerk. A few ladies obviously heard me. I've been getting treated differently by all the ladies lately. I've changed, and it's like there's gossip spreading that has a lot of women interested in the "new" me.

posted 11-21-2001 06:27 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ACTION:
For all you youngins out there, LISTEN TO WHAT WE'RE SAYING. This will save you YEARS of trouble and heartache.

---

I agree completely, however the main reason I think most of us have become a success with women after coming here is because we know what DOESN'T work (being nice, calling often, etc) therefore when we were presented with the DJ tactics we were more than willing to learn and make use of the knowledge. A lot of the guys that come here now haven't had the "crash-and-fail-miserably" experience, and therefore are not willing to try new techniques.

- Raoul

posted 11-21-2001 11:05 AM            

I will print this to read as a reminder of why I shouldn't care. Too many times I have in the past worried for no reason and this post should be a good kick in the pants to remind me not to worry.

Thanks guys,

Legend

------------------
"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

posted 11-21-2001 09:19 PM            

Anyway, ya too many of the yung guys hang on every word(hell i ketch myself doin it once and a while too)... the only thing to snap us out of it is a slap on the nutz and a lil bit of masturbation so ur not so up tight!

------------------
Master Don Juan
Anthony (Lorenzo)
AIM: EnzoOOI
E-mail: Monsterous_popo@greatestgamers.com

posted 11-22-2001 04:52 AM            

A bastard is sort of underhanded and devious. A prick is just hard as nials.

Anyhow dude, I don't think your rep would be hurt at all by being agressive with that girl. In fact if it went down like you said and she started telling these other girls what happened I picture their reaction asbeing something like 'Well, you've been acting like you want to suck his **** for months girl what do you expect?' And YOU my friend... will gain in esteem in their eyes because of your no-nonsense forward behavior.

In fact I remember two other threads going around saying that to get a rep in high school or college that one of the keys is to be very forward and not give a damn if a chick says no or something since either way it starts getting your name around campus as a player. And THAT is a good thing.

Besides the other girls in your band that 'like you' right now fall into two catagories:

A) The ones that are willing to put out

and

B) The ones who aer just strokers trying to see if they an get you to like them for self-esteem reasons.

Guess which group would stop acting like they like you, and which group is going to be 100 times more attracted to you than before!

posted 11-22-2001 09:41 AM            

------------------
Master Don Juan
Anthony (Lorenzo)
AIM: EnzoOOI
E-mail: Monsterous_popo@greatestgamers.com