posted 10-25-2001 03:04 PM            

I haven�t seen this lesson on this site before so I want to share with you what I have learned from my father. It�s so obvious most people don�t even think about it when it pertains to them.

When choosing the person you want to marry, always look no farther than at your girlfriends� mother. That is exactly how she will become later on in life. She may be a little different from her mother but most of the time she will treat you the same way. That is why you have always heard the saying, � The apple doesn�t fall far from the tree�. That is because she has learned to be the way she is by her learning from her mother.

See how she treats her husband. Does she like to argue? Does she like to beetch her husband out over the smallest infraction? Is she a charring person to her husband and children? Is she selfish? Is she a loving parent? Does she make fun of her husband? Does she respect her husband? I can�t believe how many times I have seen this come true, but it has. The same holds true for girls. Look at your boyfriend�s father. The same questions hold true.

An example for us guys: One of my really good friends got married 2 years ago. Back then I really ignored this great advice because it didn�t pertain to me. My friend�s fianc�s mother was an extreme beetch. She treated her husband like dirt. Always led him by the collar told him where to stand, what to do, when to talk, an extreme control freak. His fianc� was the same way. I didn�t see all the signs, because I didn�t date her. But those signs were always there. They get married. And all of a sudden, she turns into Mrs. Beetch II. Surprised? No because you just had to look no farther then her mother to see how she would be as somebody�s wife. So you can only imagine that they ended up divorced. He was shocked. I wasn�t.

An example for girls: I look at my sisters as a great example. Each married a jerky husband. And you just have to look no farther than my brother in laws dad to see where they get the qualities they have. Each is very loud and jerky. So are their dads. Go figure!

Also, you can gauge the way your future wife will look like when she gets older by looking at her mother. If you wonder if your wife will become fat, just look no further than her mom. She will more than likely fill out the same as her mother.

If you don�t believe me, look at your parent�s mom and dad. You will be surprised how true this is. Hopefully this will help others from marrying the wrong person. Keep this in the back of your head when you are thinking of marrying your future spouse. And to think that my father learned this idea from the US Navy!

Good Luck,

posted 10-25-2001 04:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MsThang:
In general I think that's pretty true, but I'm not sure that you can use it as a sure thing. I've always been much closer to my father so the fact that mum can be really nasty to him just shows me exactly what NOT to be. I consider my mother the perfect antithesis of what to be and so I use that knowledge to know how to treat men well.

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True. Not every situation fits perfectly. But more often then not this is a good gauge to see what your mate will be later. As anything on this site, there are exceptions to the rule. This is more for getting out of a potential bad situation before it happens. When you start dating someone serious, try to get to really know her parents. That is when this advice will come into play. I would rather get out of a potential bad relationship early then to go through with it and then regret it after a divorce.

Thanks for your comments,

Legend

posted 10-25-2001 04:48 PM            

On a realated note, I've discovered that all of my close friends' parents are still together, and reasonably happily married. My parents are reasonably happily married too. I'm not talking about 'perfect' marriages. I am talking about unions that work, sort of like on The Simpsons. I certainly didn't pick my friends this way, but I think this observation is significant since statistically something like half of all marriages in the U.S. fail.

I just think that people whose parents are divorced have inherently different notions of what relationships are and what they
should be.

Don the Legend: I've heard stories like this before. One guy told me that back in Africa before the father of the girl would give approval for her to marry, he would always observe how her potential husband's father treats his wife. If there was any abuse (hitting, shouting, etc.) he would call the marriage off.

posted 10-29-2001 12:05 PM            

No sh*t! My Dad told me the exact same thing!

posted 10-29-2001 03:42 PM            

In fact, I would suggest trying to meet as much as the family as you can before you get married. You are not marrying just her, you are marrying into her family, friendships, history, acquaintances, etc.

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DJ de Florida
****
Just Do It!

1) Progress always involves risk: you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.

2) Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

posted 11-02-2001 12:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DJ de Florida:
In fact, I would suggest trying to meet as much as the family as you can before you get married. You are not marrying just her, you are marrying into her family, friendships, history, acquaintances, etc.

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DJ de Florida,

Damm right. You will really see what kind of person your girlfriend is by hanging out with the whole family. You will see so much that you will know if she is worth a LTR or not.

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BGMAN,

It sounds like your dad and my dad come from the same stock.

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Gettingthere,

Very good points. Like begets like.

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Vegaspimpin,

You buddy sounds like he married a good woman. Good for him.

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If any other DJ's who have been married in the past or still are married and would like to add their spin on this, I would like to see what your opinions are. I am sure it would help all of us when the time comes to stay in a in a LTR with the possibility that may lead to marriage.

Thanks for your opinions,

Legend

posted 11-02-2001 01:32 PM            

Gettingthere is very right. Any actions - negative or positive - will rub off. Abused girls look for abusive guys. Our parents are who we are.

posted 11-09-2001 08:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by gettingthere:
In America, we like to think we are all individuals and we make up our own minds all on our own. In reality, we (humans) are all preprogrammed robots much more than we realize.

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Oh so true.

posted 11-09-2001 10:56 AM            

Thanks for posting. Sorry for not responding earlier. I will try to answer your question.

quote:

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Originally posted by DJintheworks:
don the legend
I have a good question for you don juans though, My parents were divorced when I was one year old and I didn't see my dad again till I was exactly 16 and I am 20 now and see him about once a year. So how could I turn out to be like my father since he had no influence on me and I have never seen him and my mother in the same room????

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That is a good point. Here is an example I can relate to that may help you. My father's dad deserted my grandmother, my father, and my aunt at an early age. One of my grandfather's traits was that he had a vicious temper. I never met the man because he died before I was born. But I heard stories from my father as I grew up. I have seen my father get mad sometimes. My father's temper sometimes resembled his stories of his father that he told us. Even though my grandfather spent little time raising my dad, my father did pick up some of his father's traits/personality. My father realized this and he toned down his temper so that it wouldn't affect us growing up. It has helped us not perpetuate his father's bad behavior. He has instilled in me traits that are positive that have helped me be the man that I am.

Now in your case, since your father wasn't around so to speak. His influence may not affect you all that much. But you may pick of some of his habits unknowingly. You are not aware of it at the time. But if you spend some time with him you will realize that you are somewhat similiar to him more than you think. You won't be a mirror image, but you will have some of his traits. You could end up like my father did since you sound like you have similiar backrounds.

quote:

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Originally posted by DJintheworks:
hat do you guys think then if you girlfriend has never really met her mom????
thanks

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If your girlfriend doesn't know her mom because she wasn't aound, the next best person to look at is the person that raised her. As in the same situation as yourself, she will have some of her traits as her mother. I would try to get to know both, so you can gauge how she may treat you if you two end up together.

Since you brought up a question about how this may affect you, you now realize that the way you are may affect the way your kids may become. So keep that in mind how powerful the kind of person you are may affect other lives as well.

Good Luck,

Legend

posted 04-05-2002 10:06 AM            

My brother' father was an alcoholic and mentally abusive. My brother is a jerk and basically treats girls like sh*t (but hey he gets plenty o p*ssy).

My father is pretty much an AFC, I hate to say it, but he is. And, guess what? This is how I was, up until I was about 13, I kinda snapped 'cause I was letting girls hurt me too much. If it wasn't for my brother I probably woulda been an AFC a lot longer, I'm glad he's kinda an @$$hole , hehe.

Anyway, thats my 2 cents, ~thx.

posted 04-10-2002 04:32 PM            

Hehe, it also means that one of my exes is going to end up becoming a middle-aged lesbian. How cool.

Definitely check out the chick's mom, guys... it can save you a hell of a lot of time and money and heartache.

------------------
CASANOVA

"Now when you talk with her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes makes it happen. I want you to be the guy in the rated-R movie who you're not sure if you like yet."
- Trent in "Swingers"

posted 04-11-2002 11:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Wolf in sheep's clothing:
Yeah, I never thought about it from the personality point of view. I always thought that you only check out the mother to see if the daughter isnt going to be mistaken for a monster truck by the time she is 40

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Umm..while some disagree (very few) to this obsevation, I must add the "time bomb factor" to the equation. It may not be apparent the first couple of years that you are married, but give it 10-20 years and you'll have wished you read this thread!!!

Nothing is full-proof, but when it comes to some sort of indicator for a serious relationship that might lead to marriage, then something is better than nothing!

posted 04-12-2002 07:15 AM            

"The way your family treats you is the same you'll treat everyone you'll ever meet, for the rest of your life."

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"Conclusions arrived at through reasoning have very little or no influence in altering the course of our lives. Hence, the countless examples of people who have the clearest convictions and yet act diametrically against them time and time again; and have as the only explanation for their behavior the idea that to err is human." Carlos Castaneda - The Fire From Within