posted 09-08-2001 06:37 PM
When you meet a woman and build a relationship (to what ever extent you want) there are a serious of critical tests that she has to be put through and your objective as a DJ is to administer those tests as smoothly as possible. If she's right for you she'll pass each stage.Test #1. The Eye Contact
You lock eyes, smile and say hello.
If she doesn't respond in a receptive way she's failed the first test. Move on.
If she does respond positively but is a 9 or 10 knock out babe, you will definately still need to use some neg hits. Tricky tactic to master so do some research here and practice them thoroughly first.
Test #2. The Digits
After a suitable amount of small talk (timing is important - I aim for about 10mins ) you say "Listen I have to leave now but you should give me your home number so we can talk some more some other time"
Some DJ's are sticklers for the home number, personally I think cell phones are OK. Work phones are not OK unless she doesn't have either of the above. Email and ICQ addresses are not OK unless she is foreign and does not speak English well.
If she fails this test. Move on.
Test #3. The Phone Call
Opinions differ on the mandatory waiting period but I say 3 or 4 days max. No more if you can help it and definately no less.
Your objective here is NOT to get to know her better..it's to set up a face to face date. Don't talk too long. 10 minutes will do. Warm her up with a bit of humour then TELL HER what you have in mind. NEVER let her take control and tell you what the two of you should do. Your the man. Take charge.
Say something like "What do you have going on this weekend?...oh really, so you're free Sunday afternoon then?....great well listen I have to go now but I think we should get together at xxxx at around xxxx for a coffee so we can catch up some more. That sounds good to you doesn't it?"
This is what sales people call "closing" . You make a statement about something, make it sound good, then say "that sounds good to you doesn't it?". You've just made your proposition sound appealing that to respond negatively would seem ludicrous. Read some books on selling if you want to find out more.
Also , I am reluctant to leave messages on women's voicemail. Better to keep trying until you get them.
If she doesn't respond positively on the first call she fails this test. Move on.
Test #4 The Date
First date should be VERY casual...coffee is perfect. NO dinners. NO drinking (OK maybe one or two). And for FARK sake no flowers or gifts!!! NO hugging or smooching cheeks, thats for your Grandma.
NO giving away any unsolicited information if you can help and definately no negative info about yourself or anything for that matter. Positive, positive, positive opinions unless your sure its something she shares a negative opinion on. Even then it might be a trap so I wouldn't go there.
DO use Kino, DO use lots of eye contact, orientate your body towards her, move in and out of her personal space, mirror her body language, elicit values, rephrase and repeat what she says..ABOVE all else listen to what she says. The old saying is, it's not what you say but what you HEAR that matters.
Don't drag things on too long, objective here is to get her to trust you and realise your not an axe murderer. Secondary objective is to make her wonder about what makes you tick. The common mistake guys make on a first date is to think they have to give the woman a complete autobiography starting from the time they were six years old. Wrong. She will have a kind of vague idea of the qualities she is looking for in a potential Prince Charming and in the abscence of anything concrete to go on she will assume you more or less fit most of those criteria. If she didn't you wouldn't have got this far already. It's only by shooting our mouth off that we give her the information she needs to disqualify us from the role.
Look good, smell good, act confident, BE a mystery. Let her think you have a busy life and she will need to compete with your other interests to get into it. This is called CHALLENGE.
Talking ratio should be 70% her, 30% you.
If she cancels the date without a reasonable excuse or offering an alternative time, or if she acts weird or disrespectful on the date she has failed the test. Move on.
For dates 2 and/or 3 try to up the excitement levels a bit and do something involving some sort of action or activity. Use the search function to get some ideas.
Test #5. The Kiss
Sometime on the first or second date you need to go for some lip action. Doesn't have to be tongues but just enough to let her know your not hanging out just to be friends. Do a little kino to warm her up and then slooowwly move in for it. She'll know what your doing. NEVER ask a girl if you can kiss her. Thats for nice guys and we all hate nice guys here..right?
If she pulls away she fails this test. Move on.
Test #6 Horizontal Rumba Baby!
By about 3 or 4 dates she should be as ready as she'll ever be to decide if you are shagging material or not. If she gives you some lame excuse like "I'm just not sure of my feelings" she fails the test. Move on.
It's up to you if you want to put in more time on Test #6 but I think if she's not giving it up after 3 or 4 dates your being played for a sucker. Only acceptable excuses here are if she is quite young ie.16 and under or if she is a virgin (not many of those around these days ).
ABOUT EXCLUSIVITY...
This one may not be ideal for every DJ but I think most of us are here to eventually get an LTR (Long Term Relationship). After about 3 months SHE should have said something to the effect of wanting an exclusive physical relationship with you. NEVER be the one to ask for it, it has to come from her.
Its like the game of chicken. If you blink first you will lose.
NEVER,NEVER,NEVER be the first one to say "I love you". Show it to her with actions, not words. Little gifts are fine after the first 2 months. Don't over do it and DONT be predictable about anything.
If you've got this far you would have realised that you can't be a door mat (e.g. running to the shop for her etc at her beck and call).
I recommend being unpredicatable at every opportunity. Pull away from her at times for no apparent reason then come back and do something nice for no apparent reason. Be an enigma.
That's all I can think of for now.
Good luck, and remember its not your job to prove yourself to a woman, its your job to administer the tests smoothly and help her to pass them.
[This message has been edited by Poosy Marauder (edited 09-08-2001).]
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posted 09-08-2001 06:37 PM
). There is a difference between hugging a girl and hugging your grandma.
posted 09-09-2001 09:04 AM