posted 07-05-2001 03:56 PM            

Most guys make the common mistake of making friends with the girl first in the hopes of working it into a meaningful relationship later. This couldn't be more wrong than Bill Clinton with his toy cigar. Not only that they are wasting their time and money on the girl but they are also digging their own graves. These men wait around with their heads down in the hopes that she will change her mind and become romantically interested in them ultimately. However, these men fail to recognize the most basic facts: "If she wasn't interested in you romantically in the beginning. What makes you think she will change her interest later?", "What makes you think she not using you as a surrogate boyfriend until she finds somebody she really wants?" and "What makes you think that she isn't just around for the ride while you spend your money and time on her?" The "Friendship Zone" is a trap, a trap so elaborate and strong that freeing yourself out of it is about as easy as climbing Mount Everest.

To her, being friends with you means: She doesn't have any sexual attraction towards you or has any romantic interest in you. You're simply around to kill boredom or until she finds something else better to do. She may at one point in time have found you attrative but, since she's spent enough time with you, she now believes you are as challenging as game of checkers with her grandma. You simply do not stir the elictricity in her body and that's why you are who you are: A friend.

More often than not, once a girl has made you a friend, getting her think of you romantically is damn near impossible and this is what you'll hear: "Can't we just be friends?" Just because you get along with her and are compatible with in a lot of area doesn't mean you are compatible intimately. Besides all this, she knows you too much already, all the sense of being mysterious and being a challenge is already gone. You are basically in an arms reach for the girl and is just about as exciting as a G-rated movie on a Saturday night.

So how do you avoid this trap? Simple, in the beginning do not approach her in the hopes becoming just friends. If you are even attracted in anyway big or small do not approach her looking for friendship. Always make your intentions known in the beginning. Do not lurk around the far corner like a long-distance peeping-tom. Come on strong like the man you are and not as the chicken puke that you'll become if you started a friendship. Guys, If you spend so much time and attention to a girl, you better and might as well make her your girlfriend. What have you got to show for it if she became just a friend? --> Long lonely Saturday nights at home with your right hand while she's with her new date?

posted 07-05-2001 07:30 PM            

You are 200% right on the money, Adonis.

It all goes back to the basic DJ process of the FIRST approach:

1: Passing her Physical Attraction Test.

2: Using your charm and charisma to make her feel comfortable around you.

3: Closing by asking for the home phone number.

4: Leaving immediately afterwards.

These four steps are the ONLY way to avoid the friendship zone.

I however don't agree that you should make your intentions known. That takes away your mystery. Instead you should focus on establishing control of the relationship. And that control can only come through attaining the home phone number.

Besides, asking for the home digits the first time you see her demonstrates confidence.

And if she rejects you, get over it and move on. Period.

posted 07-05-2001 10:12 PM            

My first semester of college, I met this attractive girl in one of my classes. She was cute, but I really had little romantic interest in her (I was after another). She was a cool person, so I was really friendly with her the way I would be with my male buddies. I'd also tease her like I would with my buddies, selectively teasing, it wasn't as if I would make "your mom" jokes or anything; mainly "dumb" jokes (she was kind of a ditz).

Also, she had a boyfriend. So, naturally, she was just my friend, right? We got along really well and could talk about anything. There was no tension in the air or anything; it was a genuine, bona fide friendship. In my eyes.

As the semester continued she began to act really strangely. She'd start to put her arms around mine (as if we were walking arm-in-arm) at random moments. Then she's start resting her head on my shoulder in class. One time she asked me for my electronic organizer and I handed it to her. She returned it with the message:

"Call [girl's name here], ***-****, 5:00PM"

When she handed it back, she muttered, "Just kidding."

A few weeks later she called me because her boyfriend was out of town and she was lonely, she wanted me to go over. I didn't. I had work to do, and plus I didn't want to mess with her or her boyfriend. Not that he could kick my ass or anything, but I didn't want trouble. I'm a peaceful being.

Also, she started to move her lips close to mine whenever we were around one another, this happened after quite some time. One time she rubbed her lips on my neck, but wouldn't go any further.

Okay, you got through all that? Thanks. Now, here's the thing. She had a boyfriend. So I figured, "Hey, maybe she's just using me to fill in for what he's not doing for her, right?" She never complained about her boyfriend, but I figured that was the case.

The next semester, I found her in the halls of school one day, talking to another guy. I was her friend, so I tapped her shoulder and said hello. She said hi, told the other guy she had to go, and caught up with me. She put her arm around mine again. Then she proceeded to tell me, among other things, she'd dumped her boyfriend and was single. I still didn't want her, I never made any more moves. That was the last I saw of her.

Okay, so what's your take on all this? Was she my friend or not? Or was she interested in me the whole time? Mind you, she seemed like just "buddies" at first, I never got any signals or anything.

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[20/M/California]

posted 07-06-2001 02:44 PM            

You were different than all the other guys she knows - you didn't give her that kind of attention. You see women like her can't live without anybody feeding their ego. Because you weren't giving her that the more she hungered for it from you. But don't mistake that as interest. Yes, there are some cases that women who are just friends have interest in you - but this are very rare (I been through it).

It's really not that she's not getting attention from her bf that's why she's trying to fill it in with yours - but rather she's getting all the attention from all other guys but not from you. She's ego stricken...

posted 07-07-2001 12:22 PM            

I think we need to differentiate between a woman that interested and one that is ego stricken.

The key difference between the two lies in the area of respect. An interested woman respects you, while an ego stricken woman couldn't care less about you. An ego stricken woman desires your supplication. An interested woman desires your love. Big difference.

FGarcia, I think you played that situation the right way by not making any moves on her. Uninterested women who are ego stricken give mixed signals. You knew that and thus didn't fall for her teasing BS.

If you had asked her out on a date you would've given her exactly what she wanted,...supplication.

posted 07-12-2001 12:17 AM            

There are actually 2 types of women friends: those that have decided that they are not romatically interested in you (you've been judged!) and those that haven't decided that they are not romatically interested in you.

I'm sure many of us have experienced the former. They are the women who lump us into the 'friendship zone'. But I've met a couple of the latter too. These are women who actually are romatically interested in me, but due to having a boyfriend, it is only a thought in their heads, or who've never thought of me in that light - they've yet to make that decision about me.

An example. I was talking to a friend the other day and she was telling me about this guy she had just started seeing. What was odd was that she said they had known each other for years, as friends, and had never given him a thought as a romantic interest. Then one day he smoothly expresses some interest in her, and boom! she starts thinking of him in a romantic light (goes nuts over him, in fact!)

So Im thinking, yes you can get out of that friendship zone, but only if she has never made a decision about you as a romantic interest and failed you! Its only once she has decided that there is no romantic interest in you that you are doomed to forever be in the friendship zone.

What does this mean to the Don Juan? Probably stuff all. You shouldn't be playing the 'be friends first' game to begin with! Thats a spinless 'nice guy' tactic, not a Don Juan tactic! You are better off testing her interest levels early on than making her think of you as a friend first.

--> you know, writing this stuff down is good theropy. It makes me realise what a dweeb I used ot be. I was a cronic 'be friends first' nice guy. The only female friends that had ever had any romatic interst in me were those whom I had only ever thought of as 'just friends'.

Lex

posted 12-05-2001 10:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Don Giovani:
Well how did Harry get Sally?

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posted 12-09-2001 08:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Don Giovani:
Well how did Harry get Sally?

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I'll tell you how Harry got Sally.

Harry and Sally were never friends.

Throughout the movie, Harry was involved with other women. When they spent time together over 15 year span of the movie, Harry never supplicated to Sally. He always had his own opinion and was rarely afraid
to tell her. He treated her like another guy. In essence, they flirted for 15 years.

Thats why Meg Ryan always had that stupid look on her face when she thought about Harry. After 15 years she was still unsure about her feelings for him. Because for 15 years, Harry did everything right.

Harry never entered the Wimp Zone to start with. Thats how he got Sally.

posted 12-09-2001 10:01 PM            

Guys flirt with each other????

A couple of points. First, it's GOOD to have friends of the opposite sex, providing it's really friendship and one person isn't lusting after the other person.

posted 12-09-2001 10:25 PM            

The problem lies however in the man's experience and maturity level. Some young djs still can't pick up on clues that he's being rejected. Others don't know how to respond it. And others simply can't handle being rejected. It all goes back to the man level of self-respect.

If a man is sexually attracted to a woman, most likely, he has no intention whatsoever of being her friend. Adonis advised that men not lie to themselves or to women about their true feelings.

If a guy doesn't want to be friends with a female, he shouldn't impersonate one.

To put it bluntly, if you wanna fuk her, don't be her friend.

He should ask for the home number the *first* time they meet that way she'll know what he's up to. She'll make her decision then and there. Thus alot time and money is saved.

...And no, guys don't flirt with other.

posted 09-11-2002 09:58 PM            

quote:

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Friend in need is a friend in deed?!?

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A friend with weed is better, a friend with breasts and all the rest, a friend who's dressed in leather.

Who sings that sh*t again, that song is funny as hell!

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