posted 06-24-2001 09:12 AM            

Now I'd expect that from a girl I just met, but this hurts more because this was someone I've known and loved as a friend for almost 20 years. We practically grew up out of the same cradle. She should have been confident enough in our friendship to let me know the truth without fear of a confrontation.

It leaves me no choice but to re-evaluate our friendship. Thats the worst part of it.

But after thinking about it, I no longer blame her for the situation. I blame myself 100%.

My friend obviously has some self-esteem issues. Else she would have had the confidence to dump me face to face. But I blame myself anyway. I should have known better.

I still consider her my friend and will treat her as such. Because this whole fiasco was my fault, not hers. I deserve what happened to me.

Why do I blame myself?

Because I've been on this site almost a year and made a bonehead rookie mistake. I thought that I could rekindle something that was never there: High Interest Level From A Woman In My Past.

I made the classic mistake of thinking that I could turn a past disinterested woman, albeit a friend, into an interested woman. Anti-Dump once warned me about it in the post "The Return of the User Part I", but I slipped and did it again last month. (Feel free to run a search on that post.)

Now I realize she only went along with my attempts at being more than friends (temporarily) so she wouldn't hurt my feelings.

DJs, I implore you to learn from my bonehead mistake. Once you become a DJ, you must rule out ALL women from your past. That includes secret crushes, ex-girlfriends, female friends, etc. ANY WOMAN YOU HAD A FRIENDSHIP OR RELATIONSHIP WITH BEFORE FINDING THIS WEBSITE WILL MOST LIKELY NEVER BECOME YOUR GIRLFRIEND. GET THAT SILLY PIPE DREAM OUT YOUR HEAD ASAP!

Yes there are exceptions, but it is very rare.

I now understand that I made unfavorable first impressions on these women a long, long time ago and will never live it down. I will always be a weakling in their eyes and thats a cruel fact of life that I'll have to accept.

posted 06-24-2001 12:07 PM            

Something similar is happening now. You know the principles and have learned the lessons; it just takes time to put them into practice.

I think we are all tempted to "reycle" women from our past because in our nostalgia we make these women and relationships more than what they really were. It also seems easier to recycle some chick we already know than to approach someone new.

posted 06-24-2001 12:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sgt. Ray:
But I think your main point is well taken: Women from our past have seen our most groveling, candyass, AFC behavior. That's an obstacle that just can't be overcome.

---

Aint it true? And my how the truth hurts! I guess it takes a woman to turn a boy into a man...

DJBe

posted 06-25-2001 12:42 PM            

IMO: That's one of the best ways to make connections/ get laid.

I think you should re-write that to be...forget about all girls you were not sexual with in the past.

I mean how many stories have we all heard about people being friends for years and tehn ending up dating or getting married? I've heard a lot.

So I can't really agree with your advice here totally. Although I think that you are right that you shouldn't make more out of something than what it is.

I think that that is the real problem with guys who are friends with girls they have a thing for. They are all bottled up in their heads all thinking about her and its not real. So when their feelings become known they gush them all out.

posted 06-25-2001 03:24 PM            

Chicks of the past are like cars you've owned. Sure, there is nostalgia, sure ther is comfort in familiarity. But consider why you got rid of the beast in the first place. I sold my first car, a 65 Mustang, many years ago. It was in so-so shape when I had it, and one day years later I seen it going down the road, I knew it was my old car by the license plate, but DAMN, it looked good!! I was kicking myself for not taking the same incentive. Then when I got closer I saw a for sale sign! My heart raced, thinking about the nostalgia as well as this improved version of my old sweetheart. When I got closer, though, I saw that the good looks were nothing more than a cheap spray-job. The interior was the same, and presumably the tranny problems that kept occuring were still there too, that's probably why he was looking to unload it!

Then I think of the other cars in my past. Every one would be more beat than when I owned it, more knicks and dents, more miles, probably with the same problems as when I owned them, and probably some more problems coming with additional age. The nostalgia and familiarity would probably only last until the first breakdown.

So, lesson learned is Don't buy back your old cars = No old girlfriends/girl-friends back in your life!

posted 06-26-2001 06:17 PM            

Imagine I knew this girl for 4 years, knew her so well, loved her so much, expected so much out of her and some sad day the relationship end's. I have lost all my trust ... I feel if someone so close can do something like this to me how can I even trust anyone else. Anyone could do that to me. See around every where and you will find all kind people in different type of relationships and in all sort of troubles.

I think we should not forget our past girl friends .. We should still stick to them with what ever they happen to offer us. This doesn't mean we should stop hunting or going out with other girls. Our ex girl friend has made us realize our mistakes, they have made us strong, we have learned a lot from them .. So why forget them so easily. Keep them .. and you can still learn a lot. The more you get hurted by them the stronger you will get. This way you will be able to face all sorts of girls in future ..

Who knows .. Anything is possible .. maybe things might work out someday .. Infact you shouldn't keep any hopes for your ex, but still never give up. Life's all about trying ...

I am sure most of them will not agree to what I say. Everyone believes in ditching your past and moving forward in life. Just imagine .. How many girls will you keep ditching. You just cannot end relationships this way and move forward in life. You have to consider your past for a better future.

posted 03-13-2002 05:39 PM            

quote:

---

DJs, I implore you to learn from my bonehead mistake. Once you become a DJ, you must rule out ALL women from your past. That includes secret crushes, ex-girlfriends, female friends, etc. ANY WOMAN YOU HAD A FRIENDSHIP OR
RELATIONSHIP WITH BEFORE FINDING THIS WEBSITE WILL MOST LIKELY
NEVER BECOME YOUR GIRLFRIEND. GET THAT SILLY PIPE DREAM OUT YOUR
HEAD ASAP!

---

posted 03-13-2002 11:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by KCFlyer:
Don't you think it's possible for people to change? ... Then if a girl sees that we've grown up, and don't give girls what they want all the time, I think it's possible that we would change in their eyes too.

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posted 03-14-2002 04:22 AM            

------------------
~The_Chosen~ has spoken...

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is just not an act but a habit." - Aristotle

posted 04-26-2002 03:25 AM            

I agree with the car analogy... but would like to point out, conversely:

My last LTR ended, as I mentioned, when she finally got fed up with my ***** Nice-Guy ways and my inability to take the cues she gave me.

Because of that dump, I have become a much more desireable man. I am now her dream MAN. This does NOT fit your analogy. But still, I would never go back to her. She may learn in time that I'm much more of a catch than she ever dreamed possible, but there is no way I'd ever go back to a 7 when I got 9's fighting for me. Right?