posted 06-22-2001 08:15 PM            

Knowing this, it should come to no surprise that there are plenty of men who are afraid to approach women. Add to this the fact that women don't like to be approached and we have a no win situation. But, fear not gents for I will share some insights I've learned throughout the years. However you should know first that women do not make you complete and the only person you should always shower with attention is yourself.

On to the basics:

1. It's you and all you
Obviously you need a lot confidence to approach women and how you gain this confidence is up to you. The easy way to gather confidence is to really put more effort onto yourself. What do I mean by this? Well, spend time building up the things that make you a unique person. What makes you stand-out from the rest of the world? Why would she choose you over millions of other losers out there? Focus on your strong points and support it at all times.

2. It's all about the groom
No, I don't mean getting married as in bride and groom. What I mean is give your body the attention it deserves. Dress up like a decent character and spend time grooming yourself. Your body be your shrine. Go to the gym and start putting some effort into staying fit and looking good. Women really do put more emphasis on looks more than they'd care to admit. First impressions comes first when she looks at you, so it should be obvious that she is judging you by the way you look. So pick up your pink leotards and hit the gluteal machine.

3. No fear of rejection
This is the biggest problem for most guys - caused by lack of #1 above. Just don't take this personally. We face rejection throughout our lives - rejected from a job offer, parents, school, etc., When you're approaching a woman, you're approaching a stranger and she doesn't know you. If she rejects you, don't take it personally. Their could be variable reasons why she would reject you - already committed, don't want to be approached, bad hair day, PMS, and so on. Don't take it personally, it not a reflection of you but of her mood and your approach. It's her loss not yours.

Things to know before you go:

The true experts of the approach is women. Why? because they've seen it all. Women get approached by the sleaziest fruicakes out there and are therefore on the defensive. Knowing this, when you do approach women just know that you are invading their personal space, so show some respect and make it light fellas. Besides, regardless of how you mask or hide your intentions she already knows what you're after.

Some girls are just out to have fun. Even if they elicit the attention of men, women that are just out with their friends to have fun. They're out to have a good time and to forget about men in some cases, so more than likely they don't want to be approached - so you have to know when to approach and when not to.

Approach, approach, approach:

Don't be intimidated by beautiful women. They eat, crap, and sleep just like you and me. They have feelings, desires, and problems just like normal people do. So take them off that pedestal and put them on your level.

Approach only when you get the initial eye contact. If you walk up to her without her noticing you first, you're setting yourself up for the big R. After the eye contact show her your beautiful smile - when she smiles back that's your que, have at em' Cassanova.

Just do it. Even if you know women hate to get picked up, just do it. Use humor and confidence to your advantage. If you say soething funny it will break the ice and get the conversation going. Don't be serious, she's out to have a good time and so should you.

Be subtle about your approach, talk about light subjects and don't talk about money or your personal problems. Ask her open ended questions to keep the conversation going. Don't shower her compliments, if you must give a compliment give a compliment that is not directed to her looks. Do not make comments about her breast size or hip curves.

Don't let a group of women stop you. If the girl of your dreams is surrounded by her friends approach her anyways. Get initial eye contact, smile then approach the group. Introduce yourself to everyone and get take her somewhere where only you two could talk - kindly say: "Excuse me ladies, but could I borrow her for second?". Take her hand and lead.

--And never forget: "What's your home phone number?"

Practice, practice, practice:

Like I said practice. Practice talking to complete strangers and gain some social skills - which is very essential to your survival. Better social skills equals better women.

This is only half the battle of the dating war. The rest is up to you, but you are given the foundation from which you can stand on. Go get em' tiger.

posted 06-23-2001 06:05 AM            

AND

"Women really do put more emphasis on looks more than they'd care to admit."

???

posted 06-23-2001 06:45 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by New Jersey Sam:
It's just a load of waffle. It doesn't really help on the approach when the only thing most people worry about is what to say - and strangely enough, all your "wonderful" articles never tell people what to say or talk about..oh but they can preach not to talk about sex or personal problems. Well, that helps...

AND

"Women really do put more emphasis on looks more than they'd care to admit."

???

I saw advice from this site totally contradicting this yesterday.

---

Yeah sure, I want butter and maple syrup to go with those waffles please...

I didn't know I had other wonderful "articles" where is it and what are you referring to?

If you need help about little diaglogues then you really need a lot of help. What're you gonna do memorize some script that somebody came up with?!? It comes as common sense - what to talk about?!? Geez, talk about the current situation, current events, current happenings in town, current concerts, her current interests, her style - things that are light and friendly that doesn't stir up any arguments - C'mon you gotta have more intelligence that this? You're smart enough to talk about things aren't you? Besides, diferent situations calls for different conversation - you're not always going to be saying the same thing and you're not always going to be asking the same questions. There could thousands of probable situations - what to talk about could depend on the situation and place. That's why it doesn't make sense to tell anyone specific things to say or talk about.

----------------------------------
"Women really do put more emphasis on looks more than they'd care to admit."

???

I saw advice from this site totally contradicting this yesterday
----------------------------------

I didn't know I said something that contradicts what I just said. Just because someone else wrote it in this site doesn't mean I agree with it. Look around you, if women really didn't care about looks then why are they screaming for guys that look like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise?!?

posted 06-23-2001 07:10 AM            

Sorry if I assumed you had said somewhere that looks don't matter. I get the impression this site is like a clique, so I presumed that everyone agrees that looks don't matter.

posted 06-23-2001 12:24 PM            

Thnx for the good post out here man! Even with the fact I'm now aware of all the knowledge you explained here so well, I still enjoyed reading it! I will keep on practising and go for the next step: ask the number after a good conversation. (cfr. post 'Damn, I will eat the fruitcake...")

New Jersey Sam,

this is what Adonis means by the word PRACTICE! It's not just a word, you have to DO IT!!! So practice and remember the good and the bad things you tried when talking to girls.

After many practice you've gained enough practice to 'create' a flawless conversation!!!

Just START talking and INITIATE a conversation. Make it meaningful thou.

Cya,
Neo

posted 06-24-2001 09:44 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Adonis:
.......

Don't let a group of women stop you. If the girl of your dreams is surrounded by her friends approach her anyways. Get initial eye contact, smile then approach the group. Introduce yourself to everyone and get take her somewhere where only you two could talk - kindly say: "Excuse me ladies, but could I borrow her for second?". Take her hand and lead.

.......

---

Although this seems like a very good advice, you said be subtle. Won't this shine like a blinking red light on an instruments panel?

posted 06-25-2001 02:01 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Adonis:
...talk about light subjects...

---

"Hey ladies! Did you know that florescent light can last more than a 100 times longer than a conventional light bulb, you know I had a 20 watt light bulb in my lounge once, it was the funniest thing when one day..."

hehehe, just messing around.

Great post Adonis! Lots of useful info, I've been thinking a lot about my life recently and I came up with a number of ideas you mentioned, I'm glad that I'm on the right track!

Cheers
JuanWannabe

posted 06-25-2001 05:34 AM            

Yes, there is a lack of specific detail like "what to actually say" or "exactly how to approach". To be honest, I didnt find much use for such advice either, at first. Then I went out and tried some of it, badly. Then I came back and read it again. somehow the advice made more sense. Then out I went again, came back with a few more scars, and I re-read it again.

Do you see the pattern forming here? "Field experience is 10-times worth more than book learning", my old grandad used to say (well, I think its what he said, my German was never that good - actually, come to think of it, he could have said "pass the onions"....)

As Adonis said, "Practice, practice, practice", and thats what its all about, and not "read, read, read" then walk out understanding it all the first time you try. As my old grandad used to say, "you dont win a war by sitting in the trenches" (Hmm, that could actually have been "never trust a french ***** when you are blind drunk", damn my bad German!).

posted 06-26-2001 12:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Vienna Sausage:
New Jersey Sam has to be a chick. This is ridiculous.

---

agreed... but I don't want to make any foes.
If you really are here to seek information. You're welcome to stay and I hope we can help youl.

posted 06-27-2001 07:11 PM            

You know what I wish I had right now? A master DJ who'd get out there with me in the field. He'd give pointers, badger me and kick me when I did something stupid, and encourage me when I did something right.

This site is really only a semi-interactive self-help guidebook. I can go out, try something I've read about, then come back here afterwards and get some advice. But its limited directly by my ability to explain what happened to me. And if I dont know what Im doing to begin with, explaining what happened is all the harder.

Yes, "Get out there" doesn't say squat. It doesnt say where "there" is, nor what do I do when I get "there". If this was a classroom, I would replace "Get out there" with an assignment for the week. "As this is the start of the semester of Don Juan 101, this week's assignment is for you all to get out there and be rejected 10 times." If all us budding DJs could motivate ourselves to do that, a lot more of the advice on this board would start to make sense.

Lex

posted 06-28-2001 11:46 PM            

That's what I've been trying to figure out lately- some kind of assignment- just need to get the where/when/how.

>be rejected 10 times

posted 07-03-2001 11:35 AM            

1) Confidence.

Defined as knowing that you have a good chance of achieving your goal.. Knowing what your secret weapon or gift is gives you confidence. What are you leaning on? If you don't have a secret weapon then you are likely to lack confidence but not to worry we are going to fix that in this post.

2) Health and Hygeine.

Women spend an average of 1.5 to 2.5 hours per day on hygeine when the average guy spends about 15-35 minutes. When you approach a woman, hygeine is a big deal. They are looking for someone who closely matches their hygeine level. Just as we get squeamish about giving a toothless baglady (nothing against toothless bagladies) a deep tounge kiss they feel the same way about unkept men. Bathe daily, twice if you sweat alot and wash your hair. Brush your teeth the reccommended three times a day and carry gum or breath mints. Use a dash of cologne like Curve for men, Obsession, Cool Water, Red for men, Liz Claireborne for men or Preferred stock if you are on a budget.Put them on your pulse points or cologne scented hand lotion if cologne tends to wear very loudly on you (like it does on me) Update your look but not to gay-looking trendy extremes. But clean and presentable. If your pants are worn out and that is not the style then replace them, the same for shoes. Iron your clothes and make sure that they fit properly. You can almost judge a person's charecter who wears wrinkled, worn or poorly fitting clothes and that is not the style in their particular social circle. Women are VERY judgemental. Clean fingernails constantly or wear them very short so that they do not collect dirt. It makes it look like tou have been scratching your nuts. An easy way to keep them clean is just to wash your hands a few times a day and run the water under your nails.

2B) Health

Be in decent shape. Eat right and do push-ups and sit-ups every night before bed. It works more than you know. Start with 20 of each if you are out of shape and 40-60 if you are in better shape.

Masculinity has five folds. Strength, Virility (reproductively speaking), Health (no weak joints and no cold sores on your face), Success and Leadership ability. That is the total man.. your aim. Most women are drawn to men who are just strong in one area but you should focus on being jack of all trades and master of none to appeal to a wider base of women.

3) Know what they like and do it.

Fellas, we all know that women like flowers, chocolate, great dancers, and men who wear good smelling cologne and good conversationalists. Short but sweet. Buy those flowers if she is a special lady. Bring a flower to your date.. You only have to start off on the right foot once.. Thank goodness.

4) The Art of effective selling through conversation and respectful approach.

The areas that most guys need to work on is conversation and a decent approach. For the approach, think in your mind while you are at home of a beautiful woman walking past you on the street. Imagine that you are talking to her and the normal stuff starts to happen, heart palpitations, sweats and nervousness. Imagine that she is slightly reserved and not responding. What would you say?? Well, work through those feelings and imagine yourself being calm, say something like this, It touches all of the required bases. Remember not to invade her space.. Stay atleast a legs length away and move closer when you see she feels comfortable.... "Excuse me. Do you mind if I talk to you for a moment. I just saw you walking (riding, boating, driving, sitting, crocheting, singing, swimming, yelping, sneezing) and I would like to get to know you better. Hello, my name is (blank) -Extend hand for handshake- If you aren't doing anything this week do you mind if we exchange numbers and I take you out for dinner sometime this week? How about Friday? (If she says no or makes an excuse don't panic) Would you be more comfortable taking my phone number? Women are big on leaving strangers the hell alone, which is good. So if she seems interested but still a little hesitant establish a rapport with her through a conversation of small talk basically to show that you aren't a weirdo or a loser so mention your family, friends or work in a very short story of something funny or interesting that happened. If no.. thank her for her time and walk away.. Don't draw the deal out. After the number exchange then tell her that you have to go and you will be in touch soon.. If you talk to her too long it will make you look needy or like you are a dork reveling in your first conquest. Don't call the same night. That is predictable. Call a day or two later but atleast a day or two before the date. Let your encounter linger.. Women thrive on mystery and figuring stuff out. Hence the cross-examining wife and girlfriend and women's fascination with cross word puzzles and table puzzles. The best way to be a good conversationalist is to talk the least amount as possible with the person. I learned from a book about being a good salesman (which you are when you are dating.. selling yourself to a potential mate) initially, keep voluntary information about yourself to a bare minnimum. 80% about them and 20% about you. The key is to let them ramble on for a while and then they will want to know about you and are very open, that is when you close the deal. A 4 minute conversation on the street could easily get you a phone number, a dinner date and a potential mate. Ask questions to get the other person talking about their favorite subject.. themselves, when they ask about you give a brief rundown and the pass the ball back to them and say things like uhh huh, Oh I have never been to Idaho, So that means you're the youngest, that's interesting.. I have never thought about using bacon grease on my skin. Then do the same thing on the date. Women usually like alot of attention. If you do the things in this message from the confidence builders, to the hygeine, approach technique and then the follow up technique.. you should be a babe magnet in no time. I can guarantee that you will have atleast every other woman that you approach no matter how she looks if you can master these concepts. A very beautiful woman is usually not snobbish about her looks.. she sees your confidence level.. if her beauty makes you feel uncomfortable then you must not be worth her time. You are a coward or a low-class pervery or something. If not you can personally e-mail me and curse me out.. But they are going to work so.. Good luck.. Oh..

I almost forgot the follow up technique.

Follow-On 101

Any good salesman or even a mediocre one can make a great impression with a follow-on gesture. Write her a thank you note for the date in a blank card from wal-mart for like 99 cents and mail it to her.. You know her address because you picked her up for the date, or at her desk at work if she works with you, or just at her job if you don't know exactly where she works. Just like if a appliance store sent me a birthday card every year for 8 years for buying a $200 TV then chances are if I or someone that I know has a major purchase then I will strongly suggest for them to shop there. No wham bam thank you sir's there.. Just good service you you want to help them out in anyway that you can. Inspire that feeling in her.. That's all fellas. Drop me a line if you have questions. I am also a relationship counselor at yahoo experts http://experts.yahoo.com look for adam_ant72.. With women your stock starts at zero and skyrockets at every good move you make.. So knowing the fundamentals of relating to women without being thrust in the friend catagory are crucial. Questions e-mail me at adam_ant72@yahoo.com

------------------
You are tomorrow who you are preparing to be right now.. Make better plans.

posted 04-13-2002 07:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ironhorse:
Hey fellas.. I just want to say that was a great post Adonis. I just want to add on to your post for the rest of us "dating challenged" There are tools out there to help us succeed in all areas of dating but we just need to know what they are.

1) Confidence.

Defined as knowing that you have a good chance of achieving your goal.. Knowing what your secret weapon or gift is gives you confidence. What are you leaning on? If you don't have a secret weapon then you are likely to lack confidence but not to worry we are going to fix that in this post.

2) Health and Hygeine.

Women spend an average of 1.5 to 2.5 hours per day on hygeine when the average guy spends about 15-35 minutes. When you approach a woman, hygeine is a big deal. They are looking for someone who closely matches their hygeine level. Just as we get squeamish about giving a toothless baglady (nothing against toothless bagladies) a deep tounge kiss they feel the same way about unkept men. Bathe daily, twice if you sweat alot and wash your hair. Brush your teeth the reccommended three times a day and carry gum or breath mints. Use a dash of cologne like Curve for men, Obsession, Cool Water, Red for men, Liz Claireborne for men or Preferred stock if you are on a budget.Put them on your pulse points or cologne scented hand lotion if cologne tends to wear very loudly on you (like it does on me) Update your look but not to gay-looking trendy extremes. But clean and presentable. If your pants are worn out and that is not the style then replace them, the same for shoes. Iron your clothes and make sure that they fit properly. You can almost judge a person's charecter who wears wrinkled, worn or poorly fitting clothes and that is not the style in their particular social circle. Women are VERY judgemental. Clean fingernails constantly or wear them very short so that they do not collect dirt. It makes it look like tou have been scratching your nuts. An easy way to keep them clean is just to wash your hands a few times a day and run the water under your nails.

2B) Health

Be in decent shape. Eat right and do push-ups and sit-ups every night before bed. It works more than you know. Start with 20 of each if you are out of shape and 40-60 if you are in better shape.

Masculinity has five folds. Strength, Virility (reproductively speaking), Health (no weak joints and no cold sores on your face), Success and Leadership ability. That is the total man.. your aim. Most women are drawn to men who are just strong in one area but you should focus on being jack of all trades and master of none to appeal to a wider base of women.

3) Know what they like and do it.

Fellas, we all know that women like flowers, chocolate, great dancers, and men who wear good smelling cologne and good conversationalists. Short but sweet. Buy those flowers if she is a special lady. Bring a flower to your date.. You only have to start off on the right foot once.. Thank goodness.

4) The Art of effective selling through conversation and respectful approach.

The areas that most guys need to work on is conversation and a decent approach. For the approach, think in your mind while you are at home of a beautiful woman walking past you on the street. Imagine that you are talking to her and the normal stuff starts to happen, heart palpitations, sweats and nervousness. Imagine that she is slightly reserved and not responding. What would you say?? Well, work through those feelings and imagine yourself being calm, say something like this, It touches all of the required bases. Remember not to invade her space.. Stay atleast a legs length away and move closer when you see she feels comfortable.... "Excuse me. Do you mind if I talk to you for a moment. I just saw you walking (riding, boating, driving, sitting, crocheting, singing, swimming, yelping, sneezing) and I would like to get to know you better. Hello, my name is (blank) -Extend hand for handshake- If you aren't doing anything this week do you mind if we exchange numbers and I take you out for dinner sometime this week? How about Friday? (If she says no or makes an excuse don't panic) Would you be more comfortable taking my phone number? Women are big on leaving strangers the hell alone, which is good. So if she seems interested but still a little hesitant establish a rapport with her through a conversation of small talk basically to show that you aren't a weirdo or a loser so mention your family, friends or work in a very short story of something funny or interesting that happened. If no.. thank her for her time and walk away.. Don't draw the deal out. After the number exchange then tell her that you have to go and you will be in touch soon.. If you talk to her too long it will make you look needy or like you are a dork reveling in your first conquest. Don't call the same night. That is predictable. Call a day or two later but atleast a day or two before the date. Let your encounter linger.. Women thrive on mystery and figuring stuff out. Hence the cross-examining wife and girlfriend and women's fascination with cross word puzzles and table puzzles. The best way to be a good conversationalist is to talk the least amount as possible with the person. I learned from a book about being a good salesman (which you are when you are dating.. selling yourself to a potential mate) initially, keep voluntary information about yourself to a bare minnimum. 80% about them and 20% about you. The key is to let them ramble on for a while and then they will want to know about you and are very open, that is when you close the deal. A 4 minute conversation on the street could easily get you a phone number, a dinner date and a potential mate. Ask questions to get the other person talking about their favorite subject.. themselves, when they ask about you give a brief rundown and the pass the ball back to them and say things like uhh huh, Oh I have never been to Idaho, So that means you're the youngest, that's interesting.. I have never thought about using bacon grease on my skin. Then do the same thing on the date. Women usually like alot of attention. If you do the things in this message from the confidence builders, to the hygeine, approach technique and then the follow up technique.. you should be a babe magnet in no time. I can guarantee that you will have atleast every other woman that you approach no matter how she looks if you can master these concepts. A very beautiful woman is usually not snobbish about her looks.. she sees your confidence level.. if her beauty makes you feel uncomfortable then you must not be worth her time. You are a coward or a low-class pervery or something. If not you can personally e-mail me and curse me out.. But they are going to work so.. Good luck.. Oh..

I almost forgot the follow up technique.

Follow-On 101

Any good salesman or even a mediocre one can make a great impression with a follow-on gesture. Write her a thank you note for the date in a blank card from wal-mart for like 99 cents and mail it to her.. You know her address because you picked her up for the date, or at her desk at work if she works with you, or just at her job if you don't know exactly where she works. Just like if a appliance store sent me a birthday card every year for 8 years for buying a $200 TV then chances are if I or someone that I know has a major purchase then I will strongly suggest for them to shop there. No wham bam thank you sir's there.. Just good service you you want to help them out in anyway that you can. Inspire that feeling in her.. That's all fellas. Drop me a line if you have questions. I am also a relationship counselor at yahoo experts http://experts.yahoo.com look for adam_ant72.. With women your stock starts at zero and skyrockets at every good move you make.. So knowing the fundamentals of relating to women without being thrust in the friend catagory are crucial. Questions e-mail me at adam_ant72@yahoo.com

---

hey ironhourse. it's me metty and me and 30 of my girlfriends (it's a girls nite out so blah) are saying u have a pretty good post. everything sounds good except the last one. u know most girls are not chatter boxes. and ur right we like mystories but the " uh-huh, wow, no way, she said that? ur kidding, i've never thought of that." is kinda not good for girls. we want your input on the conversation. and about approaching a girl. make eye-contact first. don't just go up there. even if her group of friends (or body-gards or how ever you want to call her group of friends) are around her. once you make eye-contact, smile. then turn away. now she knows that ur there. if u want to talk to her. after making eye-contact and smiling. and she smiles back. walk up to her and say. "hi" when her group of friends are around. intraduce yourself to them and when ur done say "excuse me ladys but can i have a moment w/ this lady" if she accepts, take her hand and lead. now don't get nervious talking. just talk about light things. on what she likes. or about what is going on around you. u want to get to know her. but don't say " uh-huh" and all the things i listed up there. us girls want your input on the subject. if u run out of things to say. and and you both seems to like eachother, give her ur phone #. (she might give u her's) and don't run away. just walk away slowly and calm. and don't look back. now, if she give you her phone #. don't call right away. that just means ur desperate. remember us girls like mystories. so let her wonder what ur doing. so give it some time. i hope me and my friends are helpful to anyone; good luck

posted 06-12-2002 01:18 AM            

Great points guys...keep it up. I love this site!

I think I am officially addicted to this site now. =-)

It is like 3 am and I am dead tired, but just can't stop reading what you all write here.

Great job! Keep the posts coming ya'll.

posted 06-16-2002 12:41 PM            

Thanks Allen and all of you!

Well, Great DJing...

~Foreigner.