posted 12-05-2000 10:22 AM            

Desire often creates paradoxical effects: The more you want something, the more you chase after it, the more it eludes you. The more interest you show, the more you repel the object of your desire. This is because your interest is too strong - it makes people awkward, even fearful. Uncontrollable desire makes you seem weak, unworthy, pathetic.

You need to turn your back on what you want, show your contempt and disdain. This is the kind of powerful response that will drive your targets crazy. They will respond with a desire of their own, which is simply to have an effect on you - perhaps to possess you.

If choosing to ignore enhances your power, it follows that the opposite approach - commitment and engagement - often weakens you.

Your best approach in attracting the girl you desire is to show her what you have to offer first (For example, show her your a fun guy to be with, honest, intelligent, confident etc) In other words show her some attention at first. Then withdraw this attention from her, so as to confuse her. Ingnoring her will make you appear more worthy, more powerful. The reason for giving her that initial attention is so that she is aware of what she is missing out on.Of what she has lost. If you start off right away by ignoring her, it will have very little effect on her because she won't be aware of what she has lost. It's true what they say: "You don't know what you have until you have it no longer".

Rob,

posted 12-05-2000 12:46 PM            

Most guys can only think about getting laid when talking to a girl. Girls sense the hidden agenda.

The only difference between our interactions with girls and guys is that desire isn't on our mind when interacting with guys. Treat women like men. LOOK AT THEIR EYES. Go in without desire. THIS CONFUSES THEM. "Why isn't he attracted to me?"

Demonstrate excellence to prove your sexual worthiness. Then RETREAT. Don't hang around, let her CHASE you. Let her CATCH you. Women want what they can't have. Everyone will stick with something they had to work for.

This is why I think hitting on girls ultimately fails. Be the cool charming guy and let the girls seduce you!

Everything is in how you think.

posted 12-07-2000 12:33 AM            

Unfortunately, being the caveman that I am - I still find it to be unbelievably f'd up. It makes no LOGICAL sense. Most guys think, "Hey - I want this, so I'm gonna do everything within my power to get it."
But that is exactly the mistake...

posted 12-07-2000 11:54 AM            

What exactly do you mean by this? I think of excellence as making some kind of accomplishment. Are you using some other meaning of the word?

I understand that if you come on too strong or seem desperate or needy, that won't help you. But I'm having trouble understanding this (& explaining why that is, too).

So here's an example: many years ago I dated this woman for a couple months, & everything was great: we went out about twice a week, different things all the time, some of which she suggested, & many of which were inexpensive (i.e., not the classic case of her stringing me along to get me to spend a bunch of $$ on her). I realized I was being myself & didn't feel like I was on an interview or audition, as I often had on a date. Except there was one big mistake on my part, which I didn't realize until discussing this with friends much later. I never made a physical move on her, not because I didn't want to, but because I was having such a good time that I didn't want to scare her off. I guess I didn't think she could actually like me "that way". You can probably guess the outcome- she probably assumed I wasn't interested in her sexually, or wasn't man enough to express that, or the like, & it ended up with her turning down a date because she was going on a weekend trip with some other guy. Ouch!

posted 12-08-2000 10:13 PM            

It does depend on the situation. But your best bet would be to show her what you have to offer. And as soon as you feel she is clear on what that is,however long it might take you too acomplish this, back off and act busy, as if you have many demands on your time and company.

Remember: People Perceive things too be more valuable when they are rare. So concentrate on making yourself "rare" and hard too come by. When you do spend time with her, or see her. Make it count! But make it brief at first. And always be the first one to end the phone conversations and dates(if any).

posted 12-11-2000 05:09 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChrisFl:
>
Anyways, following the ideas of this thread, I clearly came off as disinterested. It sounds like I was practicing this strategy without being aware of it. So what went wrong?

---

you need to establish yourself as a sexual person. if you don not do this, you will fall into the let's just be friends scenario. while you had a great time with her, you didnt make any moves on her, and at most may have come across as disinterested in her romantically. depending on what kind of relationship you want with this girl, you need to establish your your sexual nature within a certain amount of time - after which she wont pay attention to your advances since you will already be deemed androginous or sexually incapable (no offense). LTRs tend to fare better when you take your time unraveling your sexual nature, while proceeding too fast will doom relationships to a short lived lifespan. you should proceed with caution as not to scare them off, but you should definately NOT deny your sexual attraction. ignoring her reminds her that you are a rare commodity, one that she stand to benefit from associating with - thats your currency and your advantage.

my 2 cents....

posted 03-07-2001 10:50 AM            

Maybe I didn't employ it correctly and I need some help from you guys.Drawing our attention away from a girl is necessary but I feel that there must be a way for us to check whether she is feeling ignored at the times we ignored her.IF she feels nothing when we ignore her,then I think we have not done it correctly by giving them the equal amount of attention and stop giving them later.

Well,I will tell you my story in order to make it clear.
I met X through my friends and I used my DJ skills to practice what I've learnt.I talked to X and we enjoyed talking because during that time,I was giving away lots of attention.But later after a few weeks I met X again,I tried to draw away the attention that I gave X before and I notice that it didn't work well.

She doesn't feel anything at all such as the feeling ignore emotions.Maybe it's because I didn't employ other techniques at the same time and whatever it is,I just don't know.!

So how are you going to explain for this case??

posted 01-15-2002 10:32 PM            

------------------
"I MAKE NO EXCUSES FOR MY DESIRES AS A MAN.
I MAKE NO EXCUSES FOR MYSELF.
I MOVE THROUGH THE WORLD WITHOUT APOLOGY."

"IF you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you can't. Either way your right."

posted 06-25-2002 01:12 PM            

when u enter a convo with a woman u have to know what your intentions are... most guyz think with thier c*ck and end up getting shrugged off. play it normal... talk with confidence like u have no intentions of getting into her bra...

excellent post rob

posted 06-25-2002 10:48 PM            

Good post, I follow the same "law of power". Unless your real last name is Greene, I'll have to give credit where it's due.

posted 06-27-2002 11:41 AM            

007